Un-Hidden Treasure...Seize It!

Check In.

2012-02-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

A glimpse of recent gallivanting....

More later, Gator.

xoxo

Befriending the Mind.

2012-01-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

Control the mind. At the ashram, I heard this phrase at least half of a dozen times a day, said with the best of intent. Even so, I noticed that a tenseness arose inside of me each time it was mentioned. It’s that word- control. Eww. Perhaps my memory reverts back to times in which I attempted to control a relationship or the kinds of food I would eat. Not only does it not work, the thing that I don’t want is actually amplified by the attempt to restrict it.

Ah, but what do we do with the monkey mind, then? Let it run rampant, scratching itself, oohhhing and ahhing, and allow it to incessantly demand more bananas?

Well yes…at first.

The nature of the mind is to produce thoughts. There’s no use in scolding it for doing its job. But it is true that it won’t do us much good if our lives are controlled by the mind so what we can do first is to observe what is going on in there.

Observations as of late:

Since I’ve been home, I’ve noticed a few things about this mind of mine. The ashram was structured in a way to reduce distractions, creating a calm, inward-focused environment, but here at mom’s house, I have free reign as to where to direct my energy. There are no guidelines and stimulation (which can easily turn into distraction) beckons everywhere I turn. And, lemme tell you, it is exciting for my mind, for I’m armed with a list of projects and eager to work on them.

I noticed the other day that I would begin one project and then go to the garage to retrieve a necessary item and, before I was aware of what was happening, my attention was turned toward something else along the way. And I happily chugged along, inspired to start another project. Before I knew it, I had half a dozen projects going on simultaneously- which means my attention and energy were directed in several directions, going back and forth between one and the other, leaving me exhausted by day’s end.

The output? Sizable. And while it’s fine to create things, to be productive, what is more important is how we participate in each endeavor. It is not about the output but the input- energy we put in. It is about doing whatever we are doing whole-heartedly. Whatever is produced from that state of being is incidental.

Reeling in the Mind

What we can do is to work with the mind. It needn’t be controlled but understood. The mind is a powerful entity and the human experience is enriched tenfold when we learn to observe it and slowly develop a harmonious relationship with it so that it serves our best interests. It becomes an ally.

In my practice as of late, I’ve become better acquainted with how my particular energy works. It is quick and active. When left to its own devices, it can become scattered and ungrounded. I start many projects with gusto but neglect them ¾ of the way through and move on to something else, enthusiastically attempting to dive into one interest after the other. It is enjoyable to operate from this excited state, however I am discovering that it feels more fulfilling to fully engage in one activity and plunge to the depths of possibility within that one thing than to stay afloat, expending energy to swim far distances but somehow not really getting anywhere.

And this is where the mind comes in. I recognize the tendencies I have and also how it could be better. I also recognize that this source of energy can be an asset if I learn to use the mind to apply it in a calm, focused manner. “Slow down” and “relax” are my catchwords. These days, I am learning to be clear and to set boundaries. I stop and think, “What am I doing right now? What is my intention?” In this busy world of ours, I am asking, “How can I do less?” Because the less we do, the more time, attention, and energy we can offer to what we do choose to do.

On that note, hallelujah to finally sitting down to finish this piece of writing that I’ve been working on for nearly a week. :) The times, they are a changin’.

Wishing you peace,

Annie

Yesterday.

2012-01-21T20:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I said my good-byes to Yogaville- to all the beautiful souls that reside there, to the Virginia woods, and to community life. My favorite part of leaving a place is the abundance of hugs. Such a loving gift at the end of a voyage makes it all the more worthwhile.

The decision to leave came as a surprise. As the end of my second month commitment was nearing, I held the question inside of “Should I stay a third month?” And then, with a settled mind, I waited. The answer would come in due time.

And it did. It was time to leave.

It’s amusing- even though my life is completely in God’s hands, I still like to think about possibilities and usually I think I have a pretty good idea of what is to come. But I could never go through with any of my own ideas without the consent of that omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent power. I am fortunate to tap into a morsel of its magnificence via a feeling that guides the direction of my life.

If I was in charge, I’d be soon on a plane abroad to work towards my yoga teacher certification! Although this desire has been active inside of me for years, I found myself spending excessive mental energy thinking about it recently until I heard a voice kindly say, “Drop it.” So I must trust that it will eventually be fulfilled, when the time is right, or else that wish wouldn’t live so long.

I have found that our inner truths are lasting and grow stronger with time until they are brought to fruition. But there are likely some imposters that have made their way inside our minds, and we discover their nature either through attempting to live out the ideas and realizing their falsehoods or else letting them wither away on their own.

So until that feeling of “rightness” accompanies it, I will happily put those yoga certification dreams to the side and soar elsewhere. I am most grateful to have deepened my yoga practice at the ashram these past couple of months. Integral yoga has become near and dear to my heart and I will take that wherever I go. We do not need a piece of paper to practice what we love!

So where does this leave me now? On a train en route home, to Missouri, feeling content and calm. Looking forward to spending time with my family and friends, to cooking and continuing my spiritual practice in a new environment. I don’t know how long I’ll stay in Missouri, but since what I thought was going to happen isn’t playing out, I am filled with one of those “anything could happen” kinds of feelings right now. It is a good place to be. I hope you live in that space as well.

Om shanthi, shanthi, shanthi.

Om peace, peace, peace.

Love,

Annie

Ashram Proddings...Desire.

2012-01-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

Although practicing hatha yoga is what drew me to the ashram, what keeps me most eager to be here is the Scripture classes- listening to disciples of Sri Swami Satchidananda discuss Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, and the like. Try as I might to approach them with an open mind, I sometimes find that I hear things that don’t ring true for me. But they stimulate and stir me to become more attuned to what I do believe, and that is what is important.

Unexpectedly, I’m creating a series of writings centered around teachings that don’t quite jive with me with where I am on my path at this moment in time. The teachings I speak of are ancient- produced by highly evolved beings, undoubtedly tapped into a greater knowledge than I. The experiences of these sages are what led them to enlightenment- some through long retreat and intense meditation, others through a life“in the world.”

And we are all in our own evolution, exactly where we need to be in order to reach the kind of liberation of the great ones. Writing is an opportunity for me to share my personal journey in this divine play. I do so with awareness that my perspective will continue to shift shift shift as I move along through life so long as I am present to the lessons/blessings that are available each moment.

Without further adieu, let’s talk about desire.

The ashram functions in a way to minimize desire. I respect this. The vegetarian food is prepared simply- not tantalizing to the taste buds. Sweets are sparse and even bread is a treat. In the program I am participating in, romantic relationships are prohibited, as is alcohol and television- watching. These measurements are taken in harmony with the teachings and are not unexpected for an ashram. Folks come here to find refuge from potential distractions in order to get a taste of what it feels like to turn inward. I get this, but something is amiss for me with this approach in the long-term.

Desire’s Design

The way desire is designed, it tends to lead us to reach outward for pleasure, and we may even be disillusioned to think that once a particular desire is fulfilled, we will be eternally happy. Often what happens is that one desire is satisfied and, instantly, the mind reaches for something else to desire, creating a never-ending process of disappointment.

But desires aren’t usually harmful in and of themselves. It is our attachment to them that activates that potential. We can allow them to dominate our mind-space by dwelling on them OR we can notice them arising, delight in them if they happen to be satisfied (and show neutrality when they aren’t), and then let go. Happy with the coming and happy with the going, as Swami Satchidananda says. Addiction is a prime example of a destructive cycle of desire in which one is not receptive to the message that is offered by a particular behavior. We needn’t be like dogs chasing our tails!

My question: Is it possible for wisdom to evolve from desire? Maybe the bridge would be to cultivate a desire to learn to know ourselves and to discover how to live the best life possible (for ourselves and others) based on that knowledge. Open experimentation allows us to see which desires, when satisfied, improve one’s quality of life and which desires do not serve us and thus are better off left to dissipate.

My Relationship with Desire

Do I have them? Yes. What do I do when they arise? Embrace ‘em! First, I like to discover where they came from. Sometimes desires are mental constructions that will benefit no one by coming to fruition. A little detective work can help us to sort those out and, with that understanding, it’s easier to release them from the mind (or at least offers information about the next step to take). Other times, desires are pleas of the heart. These are the ones really worth paying attention to. Still, not becoming attached to them is key…we must listen to the guidance that is offered without expectation for a particular outcome.

Although I believe that the most enlightened masters became completely free of desire by disciplining the mind and body, I am apt to think that another way of getting to that state is to work towards exhausting every desire you can imagine. You might call this allowing every one of your wildest dreams to come true.

In my experience, this is how Heaven on Earth may unfold. I am still pinching myself everyday at how blessed I am that my lifestyle right now revolves around yoga, meditation, and study. Instead of trying to fit it in in between work and other endeavors, those practices are the mainstay of my days- every.single.day. The magic I’m experiencing began with a thought…a desire from my Inner Being.

But what will happen??

We might be fearful of embracing our desires because they will lead us to laziness and overindulgence. And maybe at first they will (it did for me!). But they can also be wholesome, for there are truths in each of us that are longing to come out. If we trust that and make it our mission to learn the language of the heart, unhealthy behaviors will fall away on their own.

This is how I operate right now because it is working for me. How do I know? By examining my emotional state (erratic indicates a need for reassessment, calm and steady means we’re on the right track). In some of the talks I’ve heard, Swami Satchidananda says something to the effect of, “when we’re sick, we seek.” He’s referring to the tendency for people to turn towards the spiritual life in moments of crisis- sometimes it takes facing an unbearable plight for us to surrender. If you find a philosophy of life that works for you in practice, it is a gift!

What does this look like?

Instead of focusing on fixing external behaviors so that they match the mental idea we have of how we should be, we can direct our energy toward aligning with our inner intelligence. When we wake up in the morning, we can say “Spirit, how would you like to be nourished today?” …and then listen. The answer will come!

Lunchtime rolls around. Instead of debating on whether to prepare a meal based on what X authority says is the healthiest or what Y authority says, we can ask our bodies, “What may I feed you that will offer optimal nutrition for your current needs?” …and then listen. Our bodies will tell us exactly what they require.

What if you practice these exercises and you don’t get an answer? I would suggest to make informed decisions based on the information you do have and, afterwards, notice the state of the mind as well as how the body feels. If pain or imbalance arises, take note. This is also the inner intelligence speaking to us.

Maybe you have other practices that work well for you?

May all your wildest dreams come true!

Annie

Intuit Your Way to Enlightenment

2012-01-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

**I’ll share with you one thing that I’m still working out…

Intuition. The best decision-maker I’ve yet to come across. In some circles, it’s probably an overused word, but it strikes me that I have not heard mention of “intuition” in the yogic teachings here at the ashram. We are encouraged to develop faith in a higher power (choose your favorite word) and surrender, so maybe that’s the connection- surrendering is the gateway to tapping into the powers of intuition, inner knowing.

The word “intuition” stems from a Latin word denoting spiritual insight or communication. Perhaps the yogis would describe this as one of the “siddhis,” or spiritual powers gained as we evolve…powers that are not only reserved for an elite group of gurus. It is our birthright to access them. When we learn to tap into these faculties and, more importantly, trust the information that is offered by following through with the guidance, life unfolds effortlessly. It becomes unnecessary to expend mental energy on "figuring out what to do" because the answers that promote our optimal well-being will find us on their own accord.

Living this approach generates a clear and steady mind. An image that comes to me as I write this is of a gleaming golden cup. This cup is the heart-mind and we can choose to fill it with thoughts of nectar or poison. Similarly, the cup may serve as a sincere, open, empty vessel. I imagine God humbly making daily rounds to each of His children and benevolently pouring an elixir, each one specially stirred up to suit our unique needs.

This heart-centered approach to life is inspiring to me. As much as I enjoy the Scripture classes at the ashram and understand the significance of the yogic philosophy (which is portrayed in a way that focuses on freeing the mind from desires and becoming unattached…more on that another time), I crave the acknowledgement that we are enough as we are right now.

Are each of us at the peak of enlightenment? Yes and no. Yes- we were born enlightened and the purpose of human life is to get back to that wise, peaceful state. But most of us aren’t there yet. How marvelous! The greater point is that we are exactly where we need to be…at this very moment…in order to ascend towards that completely liberated state of being. The greater gift is in seizing the un-hidden treasures of each moment, delighting in the divine-human experience and what we may learn from it. Then, not only does the liberation come, but each step along the way is a pleasure.

I'd like to say more about this soon if the inspiration finds me. :)

Hope your 2012 is moving along beautifully. May this year be the most magical yet!

In love and light,

Annie

Five Blessed Weeks at the Ashram, And...

2011-12-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

Hari Om, brothers and sisters. And a Happy Hanukkah to you! One of the perks of living in an Interfaith community is celebrating holidays from many traditions. Tonight, a resident Swami with a Jewish background presented a special talk about Hanukkah before lighting the menorah. In addition to singing and learning a couple traditional dances (donning yamakas!), we enjoyed scrumptious traditional matza ball soup and latkes.


Swami Murugananda presenting a talk about Hanukkah

the lighting of the menorah

...and then the dancing ensued.

[Note: The last two photos were taken in Sivananda Hall, which is the main building we go to for meals and community events. You can see a photo of the late Swami Satchidananda above the alter. Also, look to the upper lefthand corner of the photos and you will see images of great sages and saints that are hung up all around.]

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December 20 marked the completion of the one month I committed to participating in the Living Yoga Training program. And I am still at the ashram! As satiating as this yogic lifestyle is, I am hungry for more. Let’s give it another month and go from there.

Much to share with you all…

One of my favorite teachings from Sri Swami Satchidananda:

You and I are not human beings. It’s even better. We are “sparks of the divine.” All this human stuff? It’s secondary. Our physical bodies are instruments, used for the purpose of "Lila"- divine play. It’s a new thought for me to identify myself and others first and foremost as divine and secondly as human.

But I love it. I love that this notion takes the idea of the human experience lightly. After all, each of us is merely acting a role in this Earthly life- one that can be shaped to our liking if we embrace the power of our thoughts and direct them accordingly. Consciousness is our ticket to any destination we can imagine. And what’s even better is when this destination isn’t necessarily a particular place but a feeling-state….

….peace, joy, love, light….

And it’s available all the time, any time. Ah, doesn’t that feel good? And to learn to look at one another, beyond the superficial layer of fluctuating thoughts that dictate our actions to the boundless penetrative essence that is who we really are.

Recent reflections:

My experience here is in a constant state of transformation. The 5 a.m. meditations are a constant, as is daily hatha yoga. It is no longer new in the time-factor sense, but internal and external shifts lend way to those feelings. Same place, new feelings.

The folks participating in the same program has diminished by half! Only six of us now and I am down one roommate. The holidays are a lovely time to be at the ashram because it is even more quiet and peaceful here since lots of folks go elsewhere for the holidays. Makes for a cozy, intimate setting. And the weather is gorgeous- in the 50s and sunny most days, which is perfect for that outdoor fix.

**After five weeks of vegetarianism, I am meat-craving free. On one hand, this surprises me because in my two-year stint as a vegetarian in the past, I faced meat cravings nearly everyday. On the other hand, I recognize that it was my ego that impelled me towards vegetarianism originally; thus, I employed willpower to keep it up…even when the body expressed other needs. But since a higher power (not my ego) brought me to the ashram, of course my needs would be met while here. It’s still too soon to say what my habits will be when I leave- I’d love to continue meat-free, but the lesson of illness taught me that it’s most important to trust the signals of the body.

**During the first couple of weeks here, I would talk to friends and family via telephone and they might ask about the people I’ve met. “They’re great!” I’d reply. And it is true. The vibe is Inclusive and welcoming. But in the initial stages of ashram life, I found that what felt right was to treat it as a retreat, spending most of the time in solitude. And, in that way, I was almost entirely inwardly drawn- in that meditative, contemplative way of being as much as I could.

And it was fruitful. But I did wonder…or hope, rather…that connections would begin to form with the people around me. What would it be like to come out of living in a community without someone new to call a friend?

In the last couple of weeks, (organically-grown) spontaneous, meaningful interactions have sprung up with a number of individuals. I am most grateful for this. Life is “locked” in grandness, but companionship is the key to enrich any experience.

Next time, I’ll share with you one thing that I’m still working out. This post is lengthy enough for one read!

Thank you for your time- I hope you found it to be of good use.

Happy holidays to you all!

In love and peace,

Annie

Welcome to the Neighborhood

2011-12-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

Hari Om, dear friends.

Details about Yogaville for those of you who are curious to know more…

Yogaville Community-

Living Yoga Training Participants:

There were two other folks who joined the program at the same time as I (David and Jess). Oddly enough, they have the same name as two of my closest friends at Ratna Ling, another spiritual community I was involved with three years ago.

In addition to that, there are about 10 other LYTs. The number will fluctuate, for folks come and go as their terms begin and end. LYTs must commit one month to start and may continue with the program for up to three months (in succession or otherwise).

The ratio of men to women is about 1:3.

Our ages range from lower twenties to fifties.

Participants seem to come mostly from the east coast (Virginia, South Carolina, Florida, etc.) but also Canada, Australia, and California, among others.

Support Staff:

These folks are seen wearing all white. They have usually completed service as a LYT and step up to more defined roles. Many of these folks lead the Hatha Yoga classes.

Swamis:

Around the ashram, these holy folks can be seen wearing the same orange-colored ensemble (maybe there is a word for it, I’m not sure). There are around 15-20 (guessing…) and most of them have been in the community for over 20 years. They have taken vows of renunciation under the late Swami Satchidananda. The Swamis lead meditations, chanting, and speak at events.

Other Community Members:

And then there’s those who don’t fit nicely into one of these categories. Perhaps they live in the community but are employed elsewhere or hold positions at Yogaville in long-term situations.

Room/Board-

I live in a three-story building called Ramalinga Nilayam. Most of the LYTs live here- men reside on bottom floor, women on the middle floor, and guests stay on the third floor.

On the second floor, where I stay, there are around eight rooms. My room houses three bunks, making it capable for six women to stay there. Fortunately, there are only three of us (we all get an entire bunk to ourselves). My roommates are both lovely- quiet and calm, easy to be around. We enjoy sharing much silence together- I couldn’t ask for a more ideal couple of women to share a space with.

The Quad-

This is the area of the Yogavile property in which the main community buildings live. All of them are close together and form (wouldn’t you know it?) a Quad. As you can see from the photos, the buildings are all very simple.

This includes:

Sivananda Hall- the main community building. We come here to eat each meal and attend Saturday night satsang. It’s also where we send and receive mail, are updated on community events and news, and that sort. There is an area to lounge, a Multi-Purpose room (for DVD watching), and a small bookstore.

Guru Bhavan- a meditation hall

Integral Yoga Academy- the building in which teacher trainings are held and sometimes DVD showings that garner a large audience or classes.

Library- We have a library! And it’s right next to the building I live in. It houses all sorts of books from various disciplines and is larger than I expected.

Boutique- like our very own Salvation Army, although nothing is for sale. People donate items and it’s set up like a little shop for residents to browse when they may be in need of something, a piece of clothing for instance.

Behind the Quad

Three Guesthouses. This is where retreatants/ work shop attendees may choose to stay.

Next to one of the guesthouse is the Mandala Market and Café. If one happens upon a hankering for coffee or something sweet, this is the place to go.

Lotus Shrine- Light of Truth Universal Shrine. The mission statement of Yogaville is “Truth is one. Paths are many.” The Lotus Shrine supports this mission- it was created to serve as space for people of all faiths to worship and meditate, according to the tradition(s) they identify with. It serves as an example that there can be spiritual unity amongst various religions.

The shrine was built in the form of a lotus flower, which is the symbol for the spiritual unfolding of the soul. Lotuses are know for blooming in the muddiest of water. They are delicate and beautiful, illustrating for spiritual seekers how one may flourish even when existing in the (sometimes) muddy waters of the world.

The bottom floor of the shrine houses an “All Faiths Hall.” My favorite part is that there are quotes and artifcacts from various religions. The top floor is used for meditation.

Lotus Shrine sits near “Lotus Lake,” which is a large man-made lake and, a bit further back is the James River. There are also views of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Chidambaran- This shrine houses the physical body of Sri Swami Satchidananda. Daily puja (service) is offered here.

Since there are about 900 acres of the Yogaville property, there’s much more land than the buildings I mention here. Some of it is taken by residents’ trailers, Sri Swami Satchidananda’s dwelling when he was alive, a couple more office buildings. Most of it is forest, allowing plenty of opportunities for exploration. I take a walk or run nearly everyday.

Maybe you remember my blog about Carole King, an Idaho resident, giving a talk while I was in Staney, Idaho? Interesting to note that she was a disciple of Sri Swami Satchidananda’s and actually donated much of the land here so that the ashram could expand (it was originally in Connecticut). Very odd that her name keeps coming up! Her spiritual name is Karuna, which means compassion in Sanskrit.

Thanks for taking a look with me into my new neighborhood.

Be well now, ya hear?

Yogaville. A Reflection.

2011-11-30T14:14:00.000-08:00

Hari Om, dear friends!

We’re riding into the tailwind of the second week here at the ashram, and I am overdue for a shared reflection. I’m filling the pages of my journal- might as well let you in on a bit of that insider info.

I could probably just say, “Life is good” and leave it at that. It’s peculiar how easy it is for words to gush out when life feels unpleasant, eh? We can recount the experiences that incited negative emotions until the sun comes up, sometimes even repeating the same stories over and over again. The more pleasant life feels, the less there is to say because our attention instead is focused on delighting in the feeling of the blissfulness…not the thoughts in our minds.

It’s not as if I walk around with a big goofy grin on my face all day (boy do I wish I did…wouldn’t that be fun). Inside I feel cozy-calm not the “high” ecstatic feeling that I’m better acquainted with, although it shares the lightness of that exalted state. I do realize I’m still in the honeymoon phase of this experience here at Yogaville. But maybe love-struck eyes musn’t necessarily lead to blindness.

It is easy to be here because my intention before arriving was clear- take good care of my body and spirit, learn about yoga and practice as much as I am able. If I feel resistance to fully participating, I use my mind to project to three months from now. What do I want it to be like when I depart? Do I want to leave here looking and feeling and acting the same way as when I came? Of course not! I am here to grow! And that requires seizing the resources that are available to me. This exercise easily convinces me about I need to do to move forward.

I find that when I am able practice hatha yoga and meditation in the three hours before breakfast, it’s almost as if it doesn’t matter what the rest of the day holds because my body and spirit have already been nourished with the most vital nutrient. Prana. All that follows is an extension of that flow. I very much hope to take this with me when I leave.

Living at Yogaville is like going back to kindergarten to practice the basics of life. How to breathe in a way that promotes optimal health. How (and what) to eat in a way that best facilitates digestion and assimilation. How to live in alignment with the cycles of nature—arising before the sun, retiring early enough for ample sleep. How to mindfully speak, interacting with others in a manner that promotes well-being for all parties involved.

Basic skills, indeed. But ones I have yet to master.

It is my hope that these simple acts will transform into deeply ingrained habits. Observing and assessing the thoughts in my mind has left me well-acquainted with the way it tends to operate and I’ve developed techniques for thinking/perspective that guide me to know how to go beyond negative emotion when it arises, but it would be even nicer to maintain a calm, relaxed grounded-ness to provide steadiness, even when the forces around me are not.

Another wish to come out of this experience as a more solid human being. Tuned in. This experience at Yogaville is the foundation. Much construction (or reconstruction?) to come! Instead of the highway signs that read “Men at Work,” my internal notice reads “God At Work.” Is the word “God” agreeable to you? It is growing on me.

To end, I must acknowledge that life blesses me in profound ways. I am awestruck at the riches, tangible and intangible alike, that have been bestowed upon me. I love the people in my life. I love the travels and experiences that come my way. I love the material objects that the Universe has loaned me. But, most of all, I am appreciative that I am free from attachments to any of these things so that I may enjoy these amenities to the fullest and let go when it’s time. And I am grateful that fear does not inhibit me from going wherever the divine wind takes me.

I hope are tapping in to your true nature now and again as well. What if we all walked around referring to one another as “Peace.” Yes, that would be most accurate.

Wishing you wellness on this last day of November.

Love,

Annie

A Yogi Wanna-Be...The Typical Day

2011-11-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

Hari Om, dear friends.

Greetings from the Satchidananda Yoga Ashram. Since I have now been here one week, I thought it appropriate to write a reflection about my experience thus far. This is not it. :) It is coming, though...maybe by the end of the week.

I’m amazed at how closely aligned this environment is with my wishes for this chapter in life. Each day is structured in a way that- just by following the schedule wholeheartedly (enthusiasm is a bonus!), one is destined to experience more energy, better health, and peace of mind. It is set up for success. In case you are curious, I thought I'd share what my days look like these days.

Typical day:

As a LYT (Living Yoga Training participant, also known as “light), I am expected to attend 10 mediations per week, 5 hatha yoga classes, Scripture Study, Satsang (a Saturday evening celebration), and participate in 24 hours of karma yoga (housekeeping or aiding in the kitchen, usually). The schedule operates fairly similarly seven days a week.

What this looks like:

Wake up at 4:45 a.m.

Attend meditation at 5 a.m. This includes chanting, pranayama (breathwork- I’ll say more about this another time), 30 minutes of silent meditation, followed by closing prayers).

At 6:20 a.m. Hatha Yoga class is offered. Hatha yoga is what typically comes to mind for westerners when we think of yoga- these are the asanas, or physical postures that are practiced to promote health, vitality, and prepare the body for meditation.

8 a.m.- Breakfast time. Simple options- cereal, fruit, oatmeal, yogurt, rice cakes, plus non-cow milk, orange juice or tea. For me, it’s usually ¾ of a green apple cut up with a couple dollops of yogurt on top, cinnamon, a honey drizzle, raisins, and maybe a sprinkle of granola.

8:30 a.m.- Morning karma yoga (selfless service), if applicable to one’s schedule. Thursday was my first full experience of morning work, which involved serving in the kitchen. It also happened to be Thanksgiving, so lots of energy circulated that day. Morning karma yoga lasts until 11:45 a.m.

12 P- noon silent meditation for 30 minutes.

12:45 P- lunch. Lunch is the main meal of the day here. It’s served buffet-style, always includes a salad bar option, plus several cooked vegetables, usually beans and rice, and maybe some tofu (which I avoid). If one wanted to try a vegan diet or eating gluten-free, it would be quite easy to do. There are plenty of options and all the food is labeled.

Also, we say a chant/prayer before the meal and the first 30 minutes of lunch is taken in silence while one of the resident Swamis reads from Sri Swami Satchidananda’s writings.

1:30 P- Lunch clean up begins, if on duty. If not, rest period.

2:30 P- Afternoon karma yoga, if scheduled. For me, this would consist of kitchen work again- helping to prepare dinner, or housekeeping, which involves cleaning the rooms in the “lotus guesthouse,” which is where folks stay when they come here to take retreats or workshops, and also keeping up all the buildings on the premises- vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, stocking supplies, dusting, etc.

5:00 P- Another opportunity to practice Hatha Yoga for one and a half hours.

6:00 P- Meditation option.

6:30 P- Dinner. I’ve found I’m not usually hungry for dinner. Also, I like to retire to bed early- by 8:30 or 9p.m, so I’ve only been eating the evening meal maybe half the time. When I do, it’s usually similar to breakfast- yogurt and fruit.

7:30 P- Evening programs begin. This could be a DVD viewing of Satchidananda teaching (he passed over in 2002- before that, he lived here at the ashram).

Sometimes this is Scripture Study- the ashram is an Interfaith environment, which is one of my favorite qualities. This week, we read excerpts from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and discussed their meaning. Another night, we watched a video of a talk by a Tibetan Buddhist nun. It’s lovely to be at a place that recognizes universal truths- be it love, compassion, peace—and to hear individual examples from the scriptures of major and minor religions, alike.

9:00 P- Count blessings and retire to a state of sweet dreamin’.

Amen to succulent living!

Love,

Annie

East Coast Endeavors

2011-11-17T18:01:00.000-08:00

Virginia…

While aimlessly ambling this morning, I continually found myself taken aback at the license plates I spotted. Virginia. Am I really in Virginia? Mark it as “first” for me. I know I’m still in America, but this feels like another world! (…said amiably)

“Virginia is for lovers.” Since Virginia will be my home for an undetermined period of time, I decided to undergo some research. My favorite discovery was its slogan- Virginia is for lovers. History lovers (yeah, all right). Beach lovers (maybe now and again). Mountain lovers (now you’re talkin’).

Charlottesville…

Yesterday, I arrived in Charlottesville, the closest city to the Satchidananda Ashram- Yogaville. I thought it’d be a good idea to come early and spend a couple days in Charlottesville so my body could adjust to east coast time and, mentally, I could relax into the new lifestyle that awaits me. Accommodations are at the Alexander Inn and Hostel, which earns two perky thumbs up in my book.

Charlottesville is lovely- small enough to walk (or bike if you’ve got one) nearly everywhere. I unearthed lots of interesting tidbits while researching this small town. Charlottesville (or C’ville, as the cool kids call it) was home to two presidents- Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe. And if that’s not high on your neat-o-meter, it’s also home to the Dave Matthews Band. The impression it gave me from today’s jaunt is that it has a lively art and music scene, a focus on local foods, a laidback vibe and a progressive tilt.

Satchidananda Ashram- Yogaville

Tomorrow, I will make the trek to the Satchidananda Ashram- Yogaville (hereby referred to as SAY) to participate in the Living Yoga Training Program. Throughout the couple of days of travel before arriving in Virginia, I felt bouts of anxiety. Since I have such good feelings about the direction my life is taking me, this came as a surprise. I suppose that no matter how “right” something feels, there’s still room for fear or anxiety to crop up alongside. I’ll let those pesky emotions exist but will do my best not to feed them. :)

Today’s reflection led me to understand the anxiety a little bit better. Some gifts we fall into. For me, this Stanley, Idaho may serve as an example. The three months I spent there was fulfilling in its own right, but the yoga immersion I am about to embark on plays a much different role in my life. It’s a step forward toward something I’ve desired for years and feels like it has a stronger, more direct connection to my life’s purpose.

I am realizing that it feels frightening because a yoga immersion is something I’ve held onto for a while. A dream come true… Yes, it is as amazing as it sounds; but when you step into your vision, a surrendering occurs as well. It’s the ole, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” Expectations are created as to the particularities a manifestation will bring, and space is created for new wishes to crop up. This step is an invitation for a new way of being. Perhaps I will meet an “Annie” I have yet to know.

A great many places exist for one to practice yoga, so why is SAY the one that’s right for me? It was first recommended by a woman I met only briefly. Fittingly, Raven was her name. Further inquiry led me to the SAY website, where I probed further into the mission of this place as a whole and came across a program they offered called Living Yoga Training.

In the West, many of us know yoga merely in terms of its physical component- and while I love practicing postures (asanas), squeezing into spandex and twisting our bodies into pretzels is but one morsel of the whole yoga scope. The teachings and practices of SAY are of Integral Yoga, which is a holistic approach, bringing together various branches of yoga – Hatha, Raja, Bhakti, Karma, Jnana, and Japa. Some of these terms are new to me, so I will say more about them as I learn.

Said in Swami Satchidananda’s (the founder of SAY) own words:

"The goal of Integral Yoga, and the birthright of every individual, is to realize the spiritual unity behind all the diversities in the entire creation and to live harmoniously as members of one universal family. This goal is achieved by maintaining our natural condition of a body of optimum health and strength, senses under total control, a mind well-disciplined, clear and calm, an intellect as sharp as a razor, a will as strong and pliable as steel, a heart full of unconditional love and compassion, an ego as pure as a crystal, and a life filled with Supreme Peace and Joy."

Every quote I’ve read by Swami Satchidananda makes me smile inside. His teachings honor all spiritual paths. I love the inclusivity. As you perhaps can tell, I have so much to gush about regarding this place I haven’t even gotten there yet! Here are a couple websites if you’d like to check it out yourself:

yogaville.org

livingyogatraining.org

And, if you are curious about what life in a yoga ashram looks like, I’ve included the schedule for my first weekend there:

WELCOME WEEKEND TENTATIVE SCHEDULE

FRIDAY

5:00 - 5:45 pm Deep Relaxation

5:00 - 6:30 pm Hatha Yoga Level 1 or Level 2/3

6:00 - 6:30 pm Meditation

6:30 pm Supper

7:30 - 8:30 pm Video of Sri Swami Satchidananda

7:30 – 9:00 pm LOTUS Shrine & Kailash open & illumined

SATURDAY

6:00 - 6:40 am Guided Meditation or Regular Meditation

6:20 – 7:20 am Regular Meditation

6:50 - 8:20 am Hatha Yoga Level 1 or Level 2

8:00-9:30 am Breakfast

9:30 – 10:30 am Talk: “The Yoga of Action”

11:45-12:30am Daily Puja at Kailash (please check white board in SH for any changes)

12:00-12:30 pm Meditation at LOTUS or Guru Bhavan

12:45 pm Lunch

1:45-3:30 pm Ashram Tour (please meet in lobby of Sivananda Hall)

4:00 - 5:30 pm Mixed Level Hatha Yoga

5:00 – 5:30 pm Meditation

5:30 pm Supper

7:30 -9:30pm Satsang: Kirtan (Chanting), Video of Sri Swami Satchidananda

a talk by senior disciple or a program Speaker:

SUNDAY

6:20 – 7:20 am Regular Meditation

6:40 – 7:20 am Guided Meditation

7:30 – 9:00 am Hatha Yoga Level I or Level 2

8:00-9:30 am Breakfast

10:00 -11:15 am Talk: “Yoga in Daily Life”

11:45 -12:30pm Daily Puja at Kailash (please check while board in SH for any changes)

12:00 -12:30 pm Meditation at LOTUS or Guru Bhavan

12:45 pm Lunch

4:15 – 5:45 pm Joint Freeing Series Class

I have little idea about the details of the yogic life except that all folks at the ashram are expected to refrain from eating meat, drinking alcohol, and consuming coffee. Although I currently participate in all of these activities at least once a week, I welcome the opportunity to practice another way for a period for time. I'll keep you updated on how it goes!

Sending lots of love and support your way...

Annie

(Oregon) Cruisin'

2011-11-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

Greetings! The past two weeks have been full of travel. Here's a look back. If the length of this post looks daunting, please feel free to skim the words and look at the pictures. You'll get the gist. If you're up for it, read your heart out.

[ November 4- Stanley, ID to Portland, OR ]

Sis and I bid Idaho farewell for the winter. We hopped in the Jeep and headed West, setting our intention for a smooth trip to Portland, Oregon. Almost immediately, a large owl swooped down to a post nearby. Unexpected at 8:30 in the morning. We took it as a good omen for the trek ahead.

Munchies: dark chocolate almonds and rice-almond crackers with a hint of sea salt.

Tunes: NPR. Billy Joel sing-a-long.

Storytime: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

We hit rain. And then snow. Finally, the sun came out.

We followed I-84 up the Columbia River.

Finally, we pulled in to Hood River, OR. Time for a proper stop. Hood River- home of Tofurky, where the air smells of fudge and the houses are built into the hills.

After some fresh air and a stretch of the legs, we set out for the last leg of the journey to Portland. Upon arrival, we met up with Abbey, our well-traveled, artist friend and the third party to our Oregon road trip. Or maybe I’m the third party…I hopped on board at the last minute.

[November 5/6- Portland, OR to Cannon Beach to Manzanita]

For the next 36 hours, we took full advantage of the City of Roses by visiting three breweries (Migration, Cascade, Hair of the Dog) and two food carts (one for vegan tacos, the other for poutine). We also hit the Farmer’s Market to stock up for a road trip down the coast. Mary took along all the remains from her pantry in a milk crate, and to this we added our FM goods- local sausages and cheeses, three varietals of apples. And a stalk of brussel sprouts. And that, my friends, is how the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantry was born

Since few cities offer a better live music fix than Portland, that night we took advantage of our trip coinciding with a performance by Y La Bamba (new to me) and Laura Gibson.

The next day, we loaded up the car and headed toward the ole’ Pacific Ocean for a road trip down the Oregon coast. A few wineries dotted our path so we stopped in to sample a couple of the Willamette Valley’s well-known pinot noirs. Not a bad way to start a trip.

First views of the Oregon coast…

Our mission of finding a camping spot the first night proved futile in the beginning, but as the sun began to set, we settled on a spot and strolled over to the beach to catch a glimpse of the sun disappearing under the ocean.

After arriving back at our campsite, we cooked up dinner- thai noodle bowls supplemented with farm fresh veggies. It was dark. And wet. And, even if barely past 7 p.m., the conditions were ripe to crawl into our sleeping bags. Sleep proved sparse for me. I’ve felt under the weather this past week and a cough kept me up (hopefully not my tentmates!).

We did stay mostly warm and dry, despite the unremitting Oregon rain. I call this a victory.

[November 7- Manzanita to Cannon Beach to Oswald West State Park to Tillamook to Cape Point State Park]

The next day, we vowed to forgo camping for the remainder of the trip. Electricity is appreciated when the sun goes to sleep at 5:30 in the evening and the wood is too wet to start a fire. Oh, to be dry! After packing up camp, we stopped at the Manzanita coffee shop for warm beverages and toast and gathered together for a team huddle to brainstorm about the day at hand.

As soon as we stepped outside, drops of rain began to fall from the sky. The Western Oregon rain is teaching us to always have a “plan B.” Instead of hiking, like we originally intended, we backtracked a bit and drove North to spend a couple hours in Cannon Beach. After roaming around the downtown area of this small coastal town, the rain halted. Lucky us. This means we were able to hike the Neahkahnie Mountain Trail at Oswald State Park.

Lush. Verdant. Fresh. Teeming with life.

Deciduous Trees, oh how I've longed for thee!

While not a strenuous hike, we worked up enough of an appetite to stop for clam chowder at a shack of a place about an hour South. It happened to be across the street from the Tillamook Cheese Factory, so we stopped in for a self-guided tour which culminated in cheese sampling and ice cream. A dairy feast, indeed. I hear Tillamook holds the title of an award-winning medium cheddar.

With our bellies full, it was time to hunt down sleeping accommodations for the night. Enter: Yurt C43 at Cape Point State Park. Nothin' too fancy, but the floor and walls it offered was much appreciated after rainy camping the previous night. :)

[November 8- Cape Point State Park to Newport to Reedsport to Umqua Lighthouse State Park]

I woke up to find myself still feeling under the weather but happy to be on this trip and grateful to be functional. After a morning stroll, we packed up and continued our drive South down the Oregon coast. A couple hours in the car found us in Newport, OR, where we discovered the only bakery truck that exists in the country (we followed the waft of what we presumed to be cinnamon rolls).

We walked around Newport, spent time relaxing in Cafe Stephanie, and visited the co-op to replenish our goods. And then we resumed driving.

We were eager to arrive at Umqua Lighthouse State Park that evening, for the lap of luxury awaited...a deluxe yurt. Yes, my friends, this place was equipped not only with walls and a floor but also ample beds, a bathroom, refrigerator, microwave, and television for watching movies. Plus a nice grill outside. We stayed here for two nights and were all quickly convinced that yurts are ideal dwellings for traveling in groups.

[November 8- Umqua Lighthouse State Park]

Knowing that we'd have a spot to put our feet up that night felt very nice. We woke up to a leisurely morning and then explored the nearby John Dellenback Sand Dunes (a first for sis and me).

Upon finishing, we resolved that dinner must consist of fresh fish. We were on the coast, after all. We found it a cinch to find a place in Reedsport selling just the white fish we were looking for to star in our fish tacos that evening.

But first, a nap. After revival, we played a game of cribbage and cooked up a feast- fish tacos and loads of brussel sprouts on the side. Then we cozied up with Ben and Jerry's and a movie. Sweet endings...

[November 10- Umqua Lighthouse State Park to Grants Pass to Ashland, OR]

...and the ole bittersweet good-bye. The three of us fell in love with our yurt in those two days, but it was time to travel inland in our tour de Oregon. New hosts awaited us in Ashland, OR. I didn't know what to expect about Ashland. On the way up, we discussed its claimed to fame as the home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, but this wouldn't be happening during our stay there.

We started our Ashland experience off with a walk in Lithia Park- the fall colors shouted at us in various tones from all directions.

Evening activities included meeting Abbey's friend, Stephanie, and her crew of roommates and boyfriend. We are indebted to them for letting us crash on their floor for four nights (plus feeding us pizza). They joined us at Caldera Brewery (the best in town!) for a drink and then the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantry was ready to call it a night.

[November 11 thru November 14- Ashland, OR]

Traveling life slowed down a bit at this point, which I welcomed. Since we would be in Ashland several days, we were free to take our time with sight-seeing. We aimlessly meandered around the city (one of my all-time favorite things to do), sat in coffee shops and read, at least one meal every day. Good stuff. And much to our culinary delight, we were also able to check out all the "Best of Ashland" establishments that were recommended to us. Verdict: Ashland is an all-around excellent place to visit. Southern Oregon impressed me.

[November 14/ 15- Ashland, OR to Klammath Falls, OR]

Klammath Falls- where my participation in the Oregon road trip came to end. Time to head East!

Thanks for sticking with me. I know this is a long post, but I wanted to get it all out now so I can focus my energies on what's coming up. Currently en route to Charlottesville, VA, the closest city to the yoga ashram. I'll write with details as soon as I am able.

Hope all is going well for all of you.

Much love and blessings,

Annie

So long, Stanley!

2011-11-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Word. Double Click. File. Click. New Blank Document. Click.

Okay. Gulp. Now what?

Hopes that revelatory words will take over my fingers and pour onto the screen.

It is time to pack again. My last few days in Stanley are upon me and the East is callin’ my name. Do you hear? I am ready- to be at the yoga ashram, at least, but “Welcome Weekend” doesn’t begin until the 18^th of this month, which means I am blessed with a two-week transitional period. At this time, it remains unknown how those days will be filled.

What I do know is that I will hop in sis’ Jeep and accompany her to Portland, Oregon today. Minor pit stop for me, though. She’s staying to tour the state with a friend while I’m just along for the ride.

I know one other thing too…I’ve made a commitment! Since I take commitments to heart, there must be some kind of knowing that accompanies a promise, however serious or light. I will be returning to Stanley in the Spring- and I am confident enough about this to leave a suitcase here with a few things. Knowing I will return in six months makes it slightly easier to leave.

Last weekend marked our last days open at the restaurant- so now, unemployed once again, and packing, the thought occurred to me several times throughout the day, “Is this really happening?”

The disbelief isn’t necessarily because I’m leaving Idaho...it’s that I’m headed to the opposite end of the country. Virginia.

It isn’t so much that I won’t be waiting tables at night anymore and then heading to the bar for dancing and fooseball…it’s that I’ll be waking up at 5 a.m. to meditate for an hour and a half.

I’m trading red wine and Idaho trout for herbal tea and…tofu? (oh dear, I hope not…please, extra veggies instead)

Yes, my lifestyle is about to be flipped upside down. Can I get a Hallelujah?

More soon.

Annie

Lost in Translation...Found in Transition

2011-10-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, updates...

The theme of the last six weeks? Transition. Seems to be the case for myself and those around me. Since resigning from my job five months ago, life seems but a series of shifts- a windy road with gentle hills. I traverse uphill and down, basking in the contrasting curtains of scenery I encounter with each step forward and earnestly wondering what lies around the next bend.

My favorite part? The movement. Never stagnant, even while still. It's more dance than arduous journey- and I feel “found” within the varying conversions. It brings out the best. When life becomes steady and routine, I easily fall into habit, my head in the clouds with no real sense of purpose.

On the contrary, change is stirring. It arouses. Questions. Encourages reflection and refining. And so, in the face of change, I am compelled to seek the pillar within for support. My center. What is working in the way I’m living life? What could use tweaking? What minor adjustments could I make that would allow for it to be even better?

Change #1. Moving. Last month, my mom flew from Missouri for her first visit to Stanley, Idaho (my current dwelling place).

Here's Mom. And while we're at it, meet Moxy, a temporary distraction from our hike. Yorkies- especially those with sparkly pink clips in their manicured fur, are probably not fit for survival in the woods. After lots of "oohhing" and "ahhhing" and ample cuddlefests with the darling pup, we returned her to her rightful owners.

After five days here, we traveled via plane, train, automobiles, buses, and (phew!) finally made it to Chicago for my final visit as a resident. I hadn’t been to my apartment for seven weeks, and it was odd and comforting stepping foot in the door. In the year I was there, Chicago itself may have never quite felt like home to me but that 700 sq foot space sure did.

Looking back…

I will miss the short trek to Whole Foods and frequenting that haven of produce at least once a day (and up to three). And my favorite cashier, Hilary, whose spirit always brightened my day.

I will miss the Brothers K Coffeehouse. It’s like “Cheers” there…they know everybody’s name that walks in the door and what his/her favorite drink is. And their banana bread set a new standard for my taste buds.

I will miss riding the “L,” Chicago’s public transportation and the possibility of going to any of the diverse neighborhoods for a day trip that felt like stepping foot in another world.

Fortunately, I packed most of my belongings the last time I dropped by the windy city, so there was little work to do when we arrived. The next three days went swimmingly. I couldn’t have asked for a more smooth move. Mom and I managed to load the Budget truck all ourselves. Everything. It only took a few hours, and then we hit the road for the ten-hour drive to Missouri, where I grew up. Surprise, mom! Can your 27-year-old daughter store her belongings in your garage for an undetermined length of time? Yes folks, I count my blessings every night for the fortune of a supportive mother.

Each time I go back to Missouri, I am moved by it in a different way. On this occasion, it was a reunion after fourteen months. And I wonder, is Missouri “home?” It isn’t as if I’ve put roots down somewhere to officially create a home elsewhere but, at some point, the fifteen (formative) years I spent growing up there does not make up for a diminishing heart connection. And in that way, I feel further away from Missouri each time I go back.

But its predictability is pleasant and there’s the comfort that comes with that. And I’ll be drawn there again and again as long as my mother and brother live there- when it comes to maintaining a connection to a place, nothing is as powerful to me as the familial bond.

In these thoughts I am reminded that one hope of living a nomadic lifestyle is to make a home wherever I happen to be and trust that, through conscious wandering, I will one day stumble upon a place that I’d like to call “home” for much longer. For now, it's still Idaho.

Change #2. Death. My grandmother on my mom’s side passed on a couple weeks ago. She always preferred to be called granny, so I will honor that. I’m not big on the word “death.” To me, it conjures up notions of finality, vanishing, and pain and I’m not sure that the passing on must necessarily be so grim and gruesome. Could it be possible that something better has come along for her?

After experiencing the death of three grandparents and one parent, admittedly, I still await feelings of sadness at this natural course of life. However, I am sad that granny didn't play a more fundamental role in the lives of my siblings and I. I wish we celebrated holidays together…or any time, really. I would’ve loved to sit down with her and listen to stories about her life growing up and her memories of my mom when she was a child. I am sad that opportunity never presented itself.

One of my childhood dreams was of big family gatherings. I'm talkin' the coming together of the whole gang- aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, second and third cousins...
I imagined a bounty of home-cooked food and game playin' galore. Flag football outside. Scrabble tournaments inside. And maybe a few conflicts would arise that require mediating. Maybe the turkey would burn or one of the little ones would incur a minor injury but, in my mind, I can feel the feeling that would permeate regardless. A cohesiveness that even the strongest super glue couldn't contend with.

This was not my experience with my extended family. I had not seen granny for ten years. And I learned long ago to make peace with this. All hope is not lost, however, for I expect the images I've constructed to manifest in the future- with my own children and their aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins. Every space is filled with hope, which warrants the mark of a "no vacancy" to turn away each potential regret.

I may not have known granny well- and it does boggle my mind to think that I only remember spending time with her on two occasions, both during visits to Florida where she lived- but I have nothing but fond memories. She was was eccentric. A tell-it-like-she-sees-it kind of woman, unfazed by the judgments of others. She was giving, freely contributing in the way she could during times of need. I will continue to hold her in high esteem, for these are admirable traits.

Change #3. The weather has turned introspective. I’m almost ready to admit that it isn’t summer anymore. Life in Stanley feels like a vacation everyday, so it’s as if summer is everlasting. But it’s becoming increasingly quiet. The few establishments around town are becoming even fewer, and this means finding our own means of keeping busy. Enter: reading, knitting, yoga, and the like.

Surprisingly, October is the least solitary month I’ve had here. Since there are fewer folks around, the setting is more intimate- prime conditions for turning acquaintances into good friends. The people here are an integral part of my experience, and this rings more true each day. It’s been a pleasure having company whilst practicing yoga or going on a hike. On cold days, we congregate near the woodstove fire at the hotel, play cards and eat, drink, and be merry.

But alas! We will all be jobless in one week. Tis the nature of seasonal work. We are gently nudged- move along now. America isn’t called the land of opportunity for nothin’, folks….and I am happy to welcome the next one coming my way. Endless hours of yoga. And perhaps there’ll be some travels in between?

On Friendship

2011-10-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

In grade school, I remember seeing my best friends every single day - multiple times a day, even. We’d sit together on the bus and chat on our way to school. We’d play tetherball at recess and trade sandwiches at lunch. The evenings found us riding bikes or playing kickball with other neighborhood kids. We were inseparable.

As an adult, I’ve turned the page, discovering that the illustration of friendship comes in a spectrum of colors, with various shapes to boot. This summer, I reconnected with six friends on both ends of the country. Each could be described as some variation of a “good” friend, although I hadn’t seen most of them in one to three years.

Can you judge a friendship by the type of correspondence and the length in between contact? Perhaps the gauge of importance is:

Face-to-face Visit
Skype Date
Written letter
E-mail
Post Card
Text
Facebook Message/Post

And of course, it would seem logical that the companions that are dearest to you would be the ones you communicate with most frequently.

As much sense as this all makes, I have no evidence to back up either proposition.

Case in point. The latest meet up was a couple weeks ago when a friend from Americorps, Carman, traveled from Denver to visit my current residence of Stanley, Idaho. When Carman sent an e-mail mentioning a possible visit, I was ecstatic. The only communication we’d had since a reunion with our Americorps team in New Orleans almost a year ago was an e-mail or two here and there. And perhaps a post card. But zero phone calls from either party. Not even so much as a text.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I never know what to expect when reuniting (in person!) with an old friend. I unconsciously act as if we were together just yesterday, perhaps because, regardless of their absence, they’ve continued to have a presence in my thoughts.

At times, I’ve found it takes only a couple hours one night to catch up before uncomfortable silences set in. And then, on other occasions, it feels like the distance has brought us closer and, no matter how much time we have together, it is too short.

Reunions may serve as a testimony to divergent paths…as close as you once were, perhaps it’s an indication that it’s time to cut ties and move on. In other cases, as with Carman, something clicks in a way it hasn’t quite yet before. It’s like a flower that stays a bud for an unexplainable duration of time. You water it as needed, trusting it will yield fruit with time. And then, one day, a blossom springs up effortlessly and you smile a knowing smile because then you see there was a reason you took a few minutes here and there to nurture the plant and it was only a matter of time for it to grow toward its potential.

This analogy doesn’t exactly apply to friendships since they require the participation of both parties in order to flourish but, in each case, sometimes there’s only so much you can do to help something develop. Prolific growth may be less dependent upon effort and more on time. Time to let things evolve and come together organically. The right time of day in the right season in the right year.

There are many configurations of friendships, indeed. And, as I’ve traveled here and there throughout the years, establishing connections and then going our separate ways, I am happy to watch each one expand and contract…and then expand again at some other time and place and then…well, you get the point. Each time the departure comes after having been brought together, I wonder, when will we see each other again? But there are no plans. It is a surprise, a secret of the fates. Maybe you’ll receive a letter in the mail. Maybe not. (oh, but please do send one my way!) Either way, it is not necessarily an indication of one’s importance in another’s life.

An electricity that is felt from the fusion of two spirits. That is friendship. And the nourishment and boost that is generated from these symbiotic relationships , however fleeting, is what matters.

P.S. Thanks again to Carman and Scott for the joy-full visit. Let's do it again! :)

Nice to meet you, Montana.

2011-09-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends!

Phew, this week flew by. Since I last wrote, a short trip to Montana with my sis has come and gone (first time for both of us in the Treasure State) and an Americorps NCCC teammate and good friend, Carman, visited from Denver.

First things first. Missoula, Montana. With no real purpose in mind, Mary and I decided we must take a trip here. Mostly it was one of those, “Hey, we’re only 5 hours from Missoula! And we’ve never been to Montana! And we have two days off together!” So away we went.

To add to that, on my second night in Stanley we happened to meet a friend of a friend that lives in Missoula. Mike is a beer brewer and raved about the city in which he currently resides. He offered a place for us to crash if we wanted to come visit. Six weeks later, we took him up on the offer. Turns out he lives in a condo with the Clark Fork River literally in his backyard. See photo, taken from the deck.

We arrived in Missoula last Tuesday afternoon. After finding a spot for some grub, we wandered around downtown until Mary decided she required a nap. We found our way to Mike’s place and Mary crashed while I browsed his book collection and mingled with his furry four-footed friends.

Meet cat Olive and moustached-Bruce

Loved the title of this Calvin and Hobbes book

When sis woke up revived, we found our way back downtown and walkin’ along the river

After a while, we stumbled upon Kettlehouse Brewery. We were called in to do some tasting.

We sat and chatted there for a while and meandered around more (if it is not yet clear, aimlessly wandering around new places is one of my favorite pastimes). It was getting late and we decided it might be a good idea to share some dinner before all the establishments closed. I love eating with sis because we always share meals, which makes for perfect proportions and, of course, just enough room for dessert. (Enter: Big Dipper Ice Cream)

Even in a blurry photo, you can see how thrilled Mar is for this treat :)

And then Mike was getting off of work, so we met up with him for a chat.

Next day, the three of us enjoyed a great breakfast at a place called The Shack and then parted ways. Mike headed to work and Mary and I to the University of Montana campus. We walked around there a bit (all the while very appreciative that the stress of tests and papers is not in my life anymore) and then found “the M.” Mount Sentinel, right there on campus. Steep climb up. Great way to begin the day. And decent views of the city.

Turned out to be one of those phenomenal days where nothing is planned and everything unfolds organically, flowingly and, perhaps as a result of the two, oh-so-beautifully. We stumbled into a tea shop with a bounty of tea and good vibes. Ended up sitting at a café- sis ordered the best espresso shake of her life, and we played cards there at the table without any concern of the time.

Puckered-face Mary

After that, we found ourselves on somewhat of a thrift shop tour of Missoula. And then, it was time for grocery shopping. When you live in Stanley, you take advantage of any opportunity to purchase groceries at an actual grocery store. Oh, the selections they have in cities! And I can even buy organic produce. :) (Add grocery shopping to the list of favorite pastimes)

Early bedtime. Needed to be out of there in the morn so I could make it to work in the evening. Bye, bye, Missoula! Thanks for showing us a good time. And thanks to Mike for his hospitality to near strangers.

Thoughts on Missoula:

I think sis and I agreed that Missoula grew on us the longer we were there. It’s an unassuming place. You know how sometimes you meet a person for the first time and you may be “taken” by his/her attractiveness or charisma? That’s how Stanley is. You drive in and it’s breath-taking. It makes a huge impression.

Missoula…not so much. It is by no means ugly, but it lacks that “wow” factor...at least, at first. What I loved about Missoula is that it doesn’t feel as if it’s trying to “be” something. It’s unconcerned with image. And, because of that, it feels genuine, accepting, and down-to-earth. Folks are super-friendly, and it didn’t seem like there was a strong division between the college students, street people, long-time Westerners and tourists, like ourselves. All the various lifestyles blend together in a really lovely way.

That was my favorite thing. When I asked Mike what three words he would use to describe Missoula, he said "liberal, conservative, uninhibited." Everybody belongs here.

Plus, Missoula’s geography is pretty great for similar reasons why I love Stanley. A river runs through it and nature abounds for the hiker’s delight. Next time I make it to Missoula, I will most definitely take advantage of its close proximity to the wilderness.

If the trip to Montana wasn’t grand enough (which it was!), I also had a visit from my good friend, Carman, and her boyfriend, Scott (now a friend!) to look forward to the day after I arrived back in Stanley. I am one lucky gal. Carman's visit inspired me to start a piece of writing on Friendship, so expect that soon.

As for now, I must do some tidying up, for my mom is departing Missouri to make her first trip to Stanley today.

Talk soon!

Carole King Comes to Town

2011-09-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone that has spent any time in Stanley, even just passing through, can feel its magic, with its lingering “anything could happen” feeling in the air- unique for such a small town, I would say.

So when an opportunity comes my way, even if I haven’t a clue what I’m getting into, I take it. Enter recent event: “Storytime with Carole King.” You know Carole King? I first heard mention of her here when sis and I floated down the Salmon River and our guide, Stephen, pointed out a magnificent looking house sitting atop a hill and explained that the dwelling belonged to Carole King. At the time, it was one of those smile-and-nod moments where, in my head, I’m wondering, “Do I know her?”

Come to find out, she’s one of those individuals that all Americans are likely to know, without necessarily knowing they know. She’s a singer, songwriter, pianist and, most recently, book writer- she’s finishing up her memoirs, called “ A Natural Woman,” aptly named for the hit song she co-wrote for Aretha Franklin (“Looking out on the morning rain I used to feel so uninspired. And when I knew I had to face another day, Lord, it made me feel so tired. Before the day I met you, life was so unkind. But your love was the key to my peace of mind….”)

She wrote for such names as Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, James Taylor, The Righteous Brothers, the Monkees, and on and on…

King will be 70 years old this year, and she told her life story to an intimate gathering of 75 of us at the Redfish Lodge on Wednesday evening. After filling paper plates with scrumptious looking appetizers- sushi, hummus, fresh veggies, and ordering beer or wine, the small group of us mingled before settling into our chairs to hear Carole speak.

From the first story on, she was likeable, personable, and genuine. What stood out to me was that she didn’t appear to censor her words. It felt raw. She spoke to the audience as if we were her best friends- sharing everything from her relationships with men (she’s been married four times) to what life “in the industry” looked like for her, and what she was seeking at various points in time. It got me thinking that anyone could be up there telling their story and, so long as the individual was doing so in an honest, heartfelt way, it is likely that the folks listening would be engaged, for there is something captivating about one candidly expressing human-ness. No matter how our life stories may differ in context and circumstances, we can always relate to one another on an emotional level.

I wish I could share more with you about what made “Storytime with Carole King” so memorable, but I am finding that words aren’t flowing to mind because what was moving about her talk wasn’t so much about the stories she shared as it was the energy she created in that room (with the stories serving as a vehicle). Case in point. Carole teared up a number of times while telling her story and, by the end, had us all in tears (yes, even the burly, tattooed, pony-tailed cowboy sitting a couple rows in front of us) as she somehow managed to get the entire room singing the chorus to “You’ve Got a Friend,” a song she wrote for James Taylor. C’mon, you know the one.

That event was the highlight of my week last week. And, tomorrow, it’s off to Missoula, Montana with the sis for a couple days for. We wanted to take advantage of the fact that it’s only 5 hours from Stanley. The agenda: hiking, brewery visiting (and beer tasting!), thrift-store shopping, and aimless meandering. It’ll be a first-time visit and one I am very much looking forward to. I’ll keep you posted!

Much love,

Annie

Bye, Bye August!

2011-09-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

My first official month as a Stanley resident is coming to a close and it astonishes me that my stay here is already one-third of the way finished. It is odd having recently arrived here because many folks are already leaving for the season. The last of the day trips down the main part of the Salmon River will be completed before Labor Day, which seems to informally mark the end of the summer.

And this makes me a bit sad, I admit, for this has been a summer to remember. The best one….dare I say it…ever. Summer means relaxation and adventures, sun-soaking and lake-swimming, socializing and dancing, campfires and hikes in the woods, traveling and reveling. This has been the one summer of my life that I have lived the definition, for its been almost entirely devoted to recreation instead of working overtime and admiring the sun from inside a building.

But it’s still here, yes, so I will eat it up each day until September 21, when it officially comes to an end (or as official as a date marked on a calendar can be). With absolute assuredness, I can already say that I have made the most out of my time in Stanley, with its acres upon acres of wilderness at my fingertips. I recently learned that the Frank Church River of No Return Wilderness (which lies just north of Stanley) is the largest contiguous area of protected wilderness in the lower 48 states. It’s 2.36 million acres! Whew! Fortunately for me, there is still plenty more to explore before the snows start blowin’ and beckoning me to other places.

It's not usual that I become attached to people, places, or things....it's not often that I find myself stubbornly trying to cling to a moment instead of letting it have its special place in time and gracefully moving on in life. This summer, however, I’ve found myself over and over again wishing for circumstances to remain as they are, not wanting to distance myself from certain people or places…or perhaps its not one particular thing I’m trying to hold on to, but simply the alchemy that transpires when the ingredients of life come together in an unexplainable, nothing-short-of-extraordinary, kind of way. But alas, over and over again I say my “good-byes,” trusting that life will continue to get better, that it will put me in places in which I’ll see new faces, make new friends, and explore even more of the amazing country in which I am fortunate enough to reside.

I took an entire five days off from hiking...and enjoyed every morsel of leisure and restoration the hiatus afforded. When I got back to it today, it was undeniable that the wildflowers are withering away. I reflected for a time how to think of this differently (my initial thought was, "oh no! The wildflowers are dying). Perhaps when the leaves of the aspens begin to change colors, I'll appreciate the disappearance of the wildflowers.

Here's an aspen with leaves a changin'...

But, oh, how the wildflowers have brought me so much joy...each switchback I come upon, I eagerly peer around the corner in anticipation of the splashes of color that mark the sides of the trail I have yet to traverse. Now, I'm seeing this instead:

Color-sapped, petal-less remains...

Lupine turning to pod..

On the bright side, without the wildflowers vying for my attention, I found I took notice to other things. Hence, this here photoshoot of butterflies doin' their thang:

And the mountains will stay standing, never losing their appeal...

Hiking Recap.

2011-08-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

“Woods are not like other spaces. To begin with, they are cubic. Their trees surround you, loom over you, press in from all sides. Woods choke off views and leave you muddled and without bearings. They make you feel small and confused and vulnerable, like a small child lost in a crowd of strange legs. Stand in a desert or prairie and you know you are in a big space. Stand in a woods and you only sense it. They are a vast, featureless nowhere. And they are alive…”

~from the book I’m currently reading, A Walk in the Woods, by Bill Bryson- tales of his adventures on the Appalachian Trail

A few shots from this week’s hikes:

[Eureka Gulch]

An 8 mile hike to an old mine

Two words: Verdant and Spectacular.

Creeks are always teeming with wildflowers in the summers

View from the top- 8750 ft elevation

[Lola Creek to the Lola Divide]

I realize the word "weird" is probably as nondescript as they come, but it seems the most appropriate word to describe this 9 mile hike. In the first two miles or so, I trudged over downed, burned trees, not sure if I was on a path or not...most trails don't require hurdle jumping. In fact, downed logs are usually a flag for hikers not to pass. Not the case with this one. This forest had obviously experienced a fire fairly recently. All forms of life vanished and all that is left standing is a few black trees and rocks. I almost turned back. As much as I traverse the scene with an equanimous state of mind, I couldn't manage to find the scene charming. But I trudged along with hopes that life would spring forth later on in the trail. And my wish was granted. Toward the third mile or so, images like you see in the right photo arose. And, at the top (9100 feet), the vista was spectacular. Upper Lola Lake appeared, as well as views of mountains all around.

In the first 2-3 miles, this was all I saw...

Ahhh, evidence of life!

After ascending the 2550 ft elevation gain, I came to this!

[Lady Face and Bridal Veil Falls]

Two falls I hiked to in this day trip, and zero photos of them did I take. :) Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get good views of either of them. So, instead, here is a photo montage of yellow flowers I saw along the way.

[Little Casino Creek]

This hike meanders through a narrow canyon. Many meadows. Old mining ruins. Rock outcrops. A few highlights...

[Goat Lake]
My first backpacking trip! Sis, Sam, Rainy (the pooch in the photo), and I loaded packs on our back and trekked up to Goat Lake. Off the beaten path. Don't tell my mother, but it was described as "the most dangerous hike in the Sawtooth Mountains" according to one hiking book, which I am guessing is referring to the giant rocks we had to manuever over and a bit of scrambling to get to the secluded lake. I felt safe so long as we approached each step with cautiousness. Twas physically intense, though.

Team photo! The gang before setting off on our overnight adventure.

First, we came to Goat Falls.

The last 2/3 mile involved climbing up, over, and around this rocky terrain.


"I think we're almost there" we kept saying. But the path went on and on. Finally, we arrive. Goat Lake.

Oh, Mountain Life!

2011-08-24T23:58:00.000-07:00

Brief rundown of the week:

*45 miles of hiking on five different trails

*completed my first backpacking trip, a one-nighter to Goat Lake with sis, her coworker, Sam, and a borrowed dog, Rainy.

*Visited the Stanley Museum, which was on my list of “to-dos” while here. Mostly it houses interesting artifacts although I also watched about 45 minutes on a documentary of Craters of the Moon National Monument and the search for a dwarf grizzly in that area of Idaho

*Added serving/waitressing to my repertoire of positions at the restaurant I’m currently working at

*Attended a music/potluck party at a co-workers’ residence. I bought the maracas and chips and salsa. Lots of jamming ensued with the musically-talented and musically-inept alike.

This list is inconclusive, I realize. What do lists of “I did…” mean anyhow? Although I’d be keen to write about what the activities on this list have meant to me, I will have to save that when the time is ripe to sit in stillness and reflect on paper.

What I love about life right now is that it offers a balance of leisure and work, action and relaxation. There is a mingling of all the above, a coalescing of work and play to the point where it feels like most all my needs are met. My typical day involves arising around 7:30 a.m., gathering food, water, and other hiking essentials and setting out on a new trail by 9 a.m. I hike for several hours, arrive home around 2 or so, plop into bed and nap/rest for an hour or two and then go into work at 5 p.m. and finish up my duties there around 10:30 p.m. Then, I wake up and do it again the next day. Thursday through Monday, that’s been the routine.

At some point, I imagine I’ll wish to organize any insights that have arisen these past few weeks. It takes a certain mind-set, you know? And space. Lots of space. Right now it feels like my body might want to rest and recover for a few days, so perhaps I’ll let the anticipation to hike build while I take it easy.

On that note, it's time to step out under the dark, star-filled sky and take the short trek to my room where a bed awaits.

Night, all!

Soul-o Hiking

2011-08-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

Week two in Stanley comes to a close. Packed in 30 miles of hiking in four trails. I call it “soul-o” hiking- defined as solitude treks that are oh-so-good for thy soul. Initially, I found myself steering away from any hike that required minor navigational skills, had a length over 10 miles, or advised being on the lookout for black bears. Slowly, my confidence is building. I’ve ventured into hikes labeled “Difficult” and finished an 11.4 miler, which is the longest stretch I’ve hiked at one time.

Much of the material I’ve read advises against hiking alone, all for understandable reasons. But there’s something magical about stepping foot out by yourself and trusting in your own senses and body to get you through. It’s the perfect opportunity to turn your brain off to discover that your feet know exactly where to step to land to lead you safely to your destination. And I find I pay much more attention to my surroundings when hiking alone. I notice more. Revel more. Explore more.

It’s been said that the best way to really get to know nature is to spend time in it…

In the beginning of the summer, I was fortunate enough to hike in four national parks- Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Park in California and Bryce NP and Zion NP in Southern Utah. The kind of hiking that’s available in Idaho I find to be much more up my alley- lesser-known wilderness tending toward more ruggedness. You most certainly won’t find a bathroom at the hardly-marked trailheads around here!

Sometimes it feels a bit eerie to me being out there alone, especially climbing to the top of a 9500 ft peak after hiking 5 miles without seeing a single soul. A vulnerable feeling sweeps over me, but I try to remember that I’m not actually alone and bask in the wildlife that surrounds me. In the wilderness, I am the foreigner. I cannot yet identify the songs of the birds. I’m lucky if I can tell East from West!

Here's a photo from the last hike I went on, to Alice Lake. I was touched when I spotted this scene- the striking contrast of white yarrow and scarlet paintbrush, both so charming...and couldn't be more different! But there they are, side-by-side, co-habitating peacefully, each one shining with its own essence and wonder.

And this one...

This beautiful flower struck me because it grew in an area of a forest that had mostly been burned. So imagine a stretch of land with charred limbs and black logs of fallen trees scattered all around. And, right next to it, the flower you see above has sprouted up.

As routine goes, when I get back from a hiking trip, I race to find my favorite Wildflower resource to research the ones I didn't recognize. Come to find out, this one is called Fireweed. Believe it or not, this beauty is actually a weed. And one of its defining characteristics is that it thrives in areas of destruction.

Trees seem so hardy, wise, and indestructible to me. But, whereas the flames of a fire can easily bring the life of a tree to an end, it is also the catalyst for the splendor of the fireweed to make its emergence in the world. Such a good reminder for life. Appearances only tell a sliver of the whole story and beauty in some form or fashion will always always always manifest in the face of adversity if we are patient and brave enough to allow it. Oh, so much to learn!

Idahome.

2011-08-09T18:14:00.000-07:00

My first official week as a Stanley resident is coming to a close. It feels good to be here! Rundown of the week: Two nights of dancin'. Trip to Ketchum/Sun Valley/Hailey. Stockin up at thrift stores New job beginnings. Hike to Bench Lakes with sis. Reggae music.

I’m a workin’ gal again. My first day on the job, I played bartender. It worked in my favor that wine and beer are all we sell at the Sawtooth Hotel, however, my knowledge of all varieties of alcohol is very green. My college experience was unique in that I spent my weekends studying. It went well, though. One day I will learn how to open a bottle of wine without making a loud “POP” or breaking the cork. :) Practice, practice, practice.

The next three nights, I played hostess. It’s the most glamorous gig I've ever been a part of- helping out friendly folks from all over the world with the Sawtooth Mountains as the backdrop. I feel fortunate to live and work at this special spot. AND how about the benefits of a free meal and drink each shift? Sockeye salmon, Beef Rib Steak, Lamb Curry…All desserts made from scratch (including the ice cream!). Hellllloooo yumminess!

This Just In…

In the meantime, some delightful news came my way the other day. I received a phone call from a woman by the name of Priyananda from the Satchidananda Yoga Ashram in Buckingham, Virginia. She shared that I have been accepted into their Living Yoga Training program, which I applied to a few weeks ago.

Although it’ll be November before I’m headed there, that new information helps me tremendously. Yoga has been one of my primary interests for a couple years now, so it's nice to finally have some things in place that will help me move forward with it. I’ll tell you more about the program another time. For now, it is my wish to dive into life here in Stanley.

A Practice…

I also wanted to share a new practice that sis and I are playing with. We are Barter Buddies. How about a real life example of how this works?

When I was at the farm in Pennsylvania, I became quite fond of a beverage I tasted called Dandy Blend so I purchased some at the Boise Co-op. Sis tried it and enjoyed it immensely as well and asked if I’d split it with her. Of course, I would be happy to in any instance. But, as Barter Buddies, everything is an exchange. And without money, obviously. In this instance, sis offered to remove a stain from a shirt of mine since she has easier access to the resources required to do so.

This practice has everything to do with both parties feeling as though they have something of value to offer. Please do not mistake this for not giving freely or feeling obligated to repay someone. I think what I love about it is that both parties feel good. It’s not as though one person is the giver and one is the receiver…both are both!

Another thing I love about it is that it can help one feel more at ease asking for something, knowing that it opens the channels for the other person to see ways that he or she could offer assistance as well. This could be an exchange of things, energy, services, or the like. It feels much, much better to me than repaying with money.

Now, what if all of humanity operated primarily in such a way? I’m going to go ponder that, and I’ll see you next time. ;)

Much Stanley love to you,

Annie

P.S. Photos are from the latest hike...

The Story of a Gal…In an Airport…Overnight.

2011-08-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Plane arrives in Boise, Idaho at 11:30 p.m. Gal retrieves her luggage from the baggage claim and then poses the question, “Now what?” In T- 11 hours, sis would arrive to pick her up, but the entire night awaited.

First discovery: The Boise airport is not very happening. Gal feels tired but decides to post a blog before attempting a slumber. By the time she is finished, all the travelers have departed and the only folks she sees are a couple men on those fancy airport floor cleaning machines.

The night welcomes gal outside. She obliges- makes her way to a cement bench, locates her turquoise travel towel to use as a pillow, and closes her eyes. Boise airport music blasts into the wee hours of the night. Mostly pop. Some country. In all cases, its far from a lullaby. Gal sleepily locates her ipod. Maybe listening to classical music will carry her away into a sound sleep….

….nope.

After all attempts at snoozing have been exhausted, gal decides an adventure must be waiting for her right there in that very airport. How many opportunities in life does one get to thoroughly explore an airport?

So away she goes.

A photo journey:

See you in Stanley!

Trying My Hand As An Idahoan.

2011-08-02T00:38:00.000-07:00

And before you know it, it’s August.

This month, I have found my way back to Idaho…oh how I’ve missed thee the past 18 days I’ve been away. Here’s a shot of the last photo I took the morning I left Stanley:

Dramatic exit, if I do say so myself...looks like he got dark and gloomy when he discovered I was leaving. But doesn't Stanley pull off the most stunning version of dark and gloomy you've ever seen?!

I gotta be honest with you, I think I might be in love with Stanley for superficial reasons. He’s jaw-dropping gorgeous. And oh, such a charmer! I do feel pretty darn good just to be in his presence, though, and that's enough for me. Even if it means I must share him with other ladies. ;)

In all seriousness, I haven’t any logical reasons for coming back to this place…well, other than seeing sis. And that’s always plenty a good reason for going anywhere.

[the sis]

[a favorite old picture of us]

But alas! Here I am. Once again, not really knowing the purpose of being here other than this is where I am drawn to be right now. I am interested in exploring the idea of place. Bountiful beauty is Stanley...I almost feel like I could stay here and it wouldn't matter what I was doing. Almost. When my life's work comes a knockin' at the door and whisks me away somewhere else, you better believe I'll answer the call. But for the next three months, I think Stanley is where it's at.

I've contemplated setting goals whilst here. Once upon a time, I was very goal-oriented. But lately, I don't think I like the word "goal" too much. Hopes..sure! Wishes...yeah! Intentions...love it! But goal? Yuck.

So my hopes, wishes, and intentions, are that I take good care of myself. I'd like to eat lots of vegetables. Go on as many hikes as possible. Maybe breathe new life into my yoga practice. Ohhh...and I plan on making homemade sauerkraut, yogurt, and cheese for the first time. And sprouting lots of seeds (brought some mung beans and sesame seeds from my other home in Chicago).

A bit weird that I now have two homes, yeah? One in the mountains, one in the city. I get to pretend to be one of those people for a while. :)

I look forward to settling in somewhere for a few months, and I sure hope you'll come along for the ride. And maybe you'll find a way to scoop me up and see me along on the ride life is taking you on right now. I would very much like that.

Cheers, mates!

Movin' And A Groovin'

2011-07-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

Exactly one year ago, I moved from my mother’s house in Springfield, Missouri to an apartment in Evanston, Illinois in which I currently reside. I’ve spent the day packing my belongings in preparation of saying my final “good-byes” to this space I’ve called my own and, consequently, to this chapter of my life. Idaho awaits, although God was not as eager for me to get there as I was…the flights were booked for several days, so I've remained in Chicagoland longer than intended. I think the message might be, “Slow down and breathe!” And so, I’ve spent the last four days retreating in my apartment, taking a few moments to digest the past two months of travel and preparing for the big move, two months from now.

It seems like most everyone I know is in some sort of transition. Sweethearts marrying. Couples bringing new life into the world. Job changes and transfers. Some are self-imposed and easily embraced, while others are unwelcome and feel forced upon us- like the shocking, unexpected changes that Mother Nature has brought to many lives after revealing her more intense side. Tornadoes and hurricanes. Heat and droughts. .

Here in Evanston, we’ve been experiencing some torrential downpours the past few days. Jarring thunder. Impassioned winds. Lightning that makes one’s eyes grow twice as large with incredulity.

And then, the next day, you walk out to see the grass a more vibrant green. Mushrooms sprouting up. With each act of destruction, there is a new creation, a better creation, to take the place of the old. I trust that.

Take a look at these guys...

I tend to think that those times when Mother Nature steps in in more dramatic ways is in response human beings not living in accord with our true nature (which looks differently for each individual). We may be fearful of change and cling to the familiar even though it is outdated and ineffective. She offers a turn of events for our lives (a gift, really!) in which we are forced to surrender control. I have experienced this with illness. It may also take the form of a natural disaster, death, or accident.

A lesson I am very much learning right now is to find an inner security and peace, an “at home-ness” without being home. I cannot say any specific place feels like home to me anyway….part of my journey is discovering what that looks like.

In the next couple days, I will take my 10^th airplane ride in the past two months…and I’m not travelin’ for business. :) Actually, I’ve thought recently that it’s feeling like it’s my full-time job to discover what I’d like to see for my life. It’s a lovely place to be and I am fortunate that I am able to meander from here to there, feeling and observing, making mental notes of what is bringing me joy so that I may create more of those conditions in my life. And there’s that ultimate hope that, in doing so, I will learn to take care of myself and know my strengths in a way that I may offer something beautiful to the world. Let’s meet at that place. :) XOXO

Community. Come, Unity!

2011-07-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

Good evening, brothers and sisters! I write to you this Wednesday night from the floor of my apartment in Evanston, Illinois. Many things are going on right now, but to start I wish to say some last words about my latest travels to Camphill in Kimberton, PA.

The more I learned about the workings of the Camphill community, the deeper impression it made. It is a utopia of a place without being “perfect.” If communities all over operated in a similar fashion, I am sure that the Earth would seem more heavenly for its inhabitants- and, similarly, the Earth would find the biodynamic methods communities like Camphill employ to be more nourishing, which would allow it to flourish that much more. A cycle of harmony. :)

Lee, the good friend I visited here at Camphill asked me upon my departure what three words I would use to describe the past 10 days. Growing wholesomely inspired.

In recent years, community hasn’t been a primary interest of mine. Perhaps living alone in an apartment near the city induced me into an isolated little bubble. However, this wasn’t always the case.

Backtracking…

Thanks to those college professors who enlightened myself and other students about lesser-known social problems occurring in the world. I learned about modern-day slavery and the ways in which a handful of large corporations influence our lives via control over the media and government…and that was just the beginning. With each eye-opening lesson, feelings of disgruntlement, anger, and helplessness surfaced. Mostly, it was upsetting to me that this information wasn’t common knowledge to American citizens and, even more upsetting, was that I felt powerless to help.

The purpose of this post is not to recount the injustices of the world, however. I mention global social problems because my ponderings eventually led to the understanding that I didn’t need to play superhero and attempt to fix all the problems in the world. How daunting! Instead, we can look closer to home, on how to contribute positively to the communities we belong to. It feels manageable (and exciting!) to imagine what an ideal 100-person community would look like than to think about how issues of poverty and world hunger might be addressed. As more harmony is created on a small scale, the world at large becomes a bit more harmonious as well. :)

A present-day example…

Looking to a place like Camphill as an example, a glimmer of light appears. It is a microcosm of the global community, a shining illustration of what an ideal community might look like. Everybody’s needs are met, each person gives according to his/her ability, and folks are engaged in projects that bring them joy. The stress level is low, for there’s not much to worry about, with the exception of what may stir you during the day-to-day goings on. Yes, it has it’s own slew of “problems” (as I mentioned in a previous post, I witnessed some individuals feeling angry and expressing the emotion in unhelpful ways). Any time human beings are involved, disagreements of various sorts are bound to arise, but I love the idea of not seeing this as undesirable. In community, it is an invitation to explore the most creative ideas to meet each person’s needs and to examine what the true needs really are.

Set up of Camphill…local, local, local!

Allow me to paint a clearer picture for you. The community is set up like its own little village, with around 12 houses dispersed throughout the 432 acres. In each home lives 5-15 people- some families and couples but mostly clans of individuals who are learning to live as a family for a period of time. Each person works on the property as well, either at the dairy farm, CSA garden, art studios, bakery, café, or orchard. Also, the people that comprise each home take turns making meals and assisting with chores. No one job is considered more important than the next…all are equals, as each role is pivotal for the functioning of the community.

On any given day, folks here would not need to leave the village, for they work and play at the same place. Their friends are here. People come together to socialize according to individual interests- swimming, gathering around a bonfire, watching a movie, playing a round of pool…

The majority of the food comes from the community. The garden provides the fresh fruits and veggies and the bakery provides the bread (and cookies!). And, lemme tell you, I have never eaten a more satisfying piece of bread in my life. The whole grain flour is ground in a slow moving stone mill, the bread is mixed and shape by hand (I was able to assist with the process one Sunday evening), and the bread is naturally leavened. All natural. Mostly local and organic.

Refrigerators are filled with milk from the community’s dairy. Raw, just like the old days! You can look at the cows and see how healthy they are. Some community members spend their free time making the milk into yogurt or cheese. Canning is also common, I hear.

Of course the community members can leave if they’d like, but how good for the Earth that the set up is so that it isn’t necessary!

And the economics…

The bakery sells bread, cookies, and granola at local health food stores. Milk from the dairy is sold as well- to local health foods store as well as the local organic yogurt company, Seven Stars Farm (maybe you’ve heard of them). Two hundred CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) members pay their share for produce two times a week. The café is open to the public, and food is priced similarly to other restaurants one might frequent. What is remarkable to me is that each of these establishments sells its goods and makes a profit (money is needed for their operation). BUT, the difference compared to American businesses is that financial gain isn’t the goal. It’s people-centered (not profit-centered).

What to make of this?

The ten days I spent at Camphill reignited a wish I hold inside that’s mostly dormant but always very much alive. When the time is ripe, I hope to get together with some of my closest friends, pull all of our unique gifts together, and create a living space together that is sustainable and nurturing for each person as well as the Earth. It will be an experimental playground with lots of sharing. Most importantly, it will be a place where work and leisure coalesce, each person contributes what brings him/her joy, and the premise behind each action is to Celebrate Life.

Until then, let the travels continue! I am still very much in need of some molding, so I shall refrain from major commitments for the time being. :)

Lots more to come…

With love,

Annie

27 Lessons...#7

2011-07-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

7. Envision how you would most like our human community to live. Then, act accordingly on an individual level.

In lesson number 6, I shared my outlook about expressing “I love you.” We could easily replace the quality of “love” with joy, compassion, or even anger or fear. It is the expression of those inner emotions that has value.

We may keep to ourselves because we are unsure of how to describe the flutter of thoughts and sentiments dancing around inside of us but, more often, I find myself holding back from expressing myself fully and slightly altering my actions according to what (I infer) others are thinking. There’s something uncomfortable about disrupting the status quo, even if may be in a positive direction. I may hold back affection because I’m unsure of how it will be received, for instance. These days, I try to be aware of ways my spirit is shackled as a result of abiding by the constraints of a dominant societal voice. Culture is ingrained in us so powerfully that it is indecipherable whether we are actually acting according to our own free will.

The fantastic part of all of this is that culture is shaped by the individuals that comprise it- and if individuals begin to behave in more positive ways for humankind, then the culture itself will shift. It is so so so important, therefore, to live how you would like to see from others (but not being attached to the outcome). If sharing is an important quality for you, share freely even if you may not receive that sort of generosity in return. If you’d like to see a kinder world, respond to angry people with care and attention instead of meeting them in a yelling match because they don’t “deserve” to be treated well. These sorts of things can catch people off guard. Expectations will be shattered and then molded into a more beautiful piece of art.

When I started this practice, initially it felt very vulnerable, for I put myself “out there” much more. Gestures were grander. I started speaking up for my needs and expressing myself more truthfully instead speaking in niceties (because my ideal society would be open and honest with one another!). I can’t say that I’m effective at it yet, but so be it! I practice doing it imperfectly (because in my ideal society, we give each other room to grow). Of course, I don’t always get “ideal society” responses from others, but that’s another lesson in itself.

P.S. An excellent resource for communicating more effectively is “Non-Violent Communication,” by Marshall Rosenberg. (And thanks to sis for the referral on that one).

Spellbound.

2011-07-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

Spellbound. This is not a word I use in my everyday vocabulary, but on my walk home through the woods tonight after an intimate evening, it was the description that came to mind upon consideration of the night.

Today marks day 8 at Camphill, and I am finding this place growing on me at a quickening pace. Maybe sometimes it takes a little while to find one’s niche in a new place.

As this evening unfolded, I tried to think of how to describe it and my mind came up blank. A small group of us chatted, played Scrabble (without rules or scoring), and read poetry. Simple pursuits folks might engage in on any given day but, through these activities, a feeling was created. When I use the word “intimate,” I am speaking in terms of a warmth and harmonious energy that arose from a mingling of human energies.

It strikes me how some of the simplest of experiences can be the most deeply touching. I came away feeling ever so strongly that I have no idea what I’m doing in life. And I say that with a :). It’s been a while since I’ve lived in community, and I was pleased that a reminder of its value has come into my life again.

Sometimes I feel pulled in two directions- one, wanting to live a rugged, rustic life and the other a life of creature comforts. I'd like to go on a weeklong backpacking trip to appeal to one part of me and then indulge in a luxurious shower, put on a frilly dress with dangling earrings and grab a beer and burger at a local brewery. I must keep in mind that there is no need to choose a “side.” Modern and traditional may easily mesh, as evidence of my summer travels- one day camping while subsisting on granola bars and raisins and the next day slumbering in a luxurious king-sized bed after imbibing in one too many glasses of wine. There is no "good" or "bad," Annie, it is more a matter of living presently in whatever one decides to do!

As it turns out, living in confusion isn't so terrible, after all. What is most important is to know what it is we would like on a moment-to-moment, day-to-day basis. Then, everything else will sort itself out. That being said, I will be sad to leave Camphill- the new friendships that are forming and the nourishing of an old friendship; but I am embracing the decision to dive deeper into life as an Idahoan, reveling in the beauty of the fact that I may come back here if I wish.

On that note, it is most certainly past my bedtime. Thank you for being with me through these discoveries as I journey through the unknown in life.

In love and light,

Annie

The Lowdown.

2011-07-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

The second tri-mester of summer is officially in full swing. Do you feel it? The days are long and the sun is HOT.

My first week on the farm is coming to a close, and I’ve only written a wee bit about it, so I thought I’d better hop to it and divulge some dirty details!

Pennsylvania Aspirations.

My intentions for coming here were twofold. First, to see a dear friend of mine, Lee; second, to experience working on a farm (which appealed to a desire to grow my own food someday). Lee is a part of a garden apprenticeship this year and has learned the ropes of seeding, weeding, irrigating, harvesting, and the like. Working side-by-side with him on the land brings me back to our old AmericorpsNCCC days. Ahhh, memories…

Thus far, I’ve harvested beets, carrots, onions, beans, potatoes, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, cucumbers…I’ve seeded and weeded and learned to set up reemay to protect winter squash from pests. Dirt lives under my nails, no matter how often I scrub my hands. The process of digging up vegetables absolutely delights me, especially picking fresh farm veggies early in the morning and then preparing the goodies for a scrumptious, wholesome dinner that very evening.

But….

…there is a but. In the last post, I posed a series of questions, one of which addressed the role of feelings vs. positive thinking. This inquiry emerged after a couple incidents here left me with a sour taste in my mouth (feeling #1), coupled with the physical depletion from working outside on a large CSA farm in temperatures approaching 100 degrees, with abundant humidity to boost (feeling #2). Simply put there are a handful of things I’m not really digging. :)

I wanted to understand, were these happenings an indication that Camphill isn’t the best place for me right now or was this an opportunity to look past first impressions and develop the mental resolve to create a more fulfilling experience? It is clear that this leg of my summer travels has been shaped by a recent first-time visit to Idaho(and loving it) and also the order of events that have occurred while at Camphill. I suppose that what I’m getting at is that there is nothing immanent in this community that is a firm “yes” or “no” to me. This is a case where it’s very much what one makes of it. All the potential is there for a favorable experience. The question is, is this experience what I would like right now?

And the verdict is…

I have reached the decision that one week here is sufficient for me at this time (instead of the four weeks I initially planned on). Yes, there’s value in sticking with something until the end, regardless of the ups and downs. And I understand that every place we find ourselves in, every relationship we form, every situation we encounter is charged with protons and electrons- energies that will move us in a pleasing or displeasing manner. At the end of the day, we must all ask ourselves the question, “Are the protons and electrons of this particular (fill-in-the-blank- relationship, place, job, etc.) salubrious fertilizer for the growth of my being? Dissonance is our friend!

As for me, I am embracing the golden token of a wild summer, the freedom to sample an assortment of lifestyles, places, and mini-cultures- always noticing the likes and dislikes that crop up, which yields clues to the grander questions such, “Where would I like to live?” and “What are the most important aspects of my life’s work?” This is a time for exploration!

So what is the next step after leaving Pennsylvania? (I’m glad you asked). J As good luck would have it, I’ve been offered paid work back in Stanley, Idaho, which also swayed my decision. I would be content if it lasted the remainder of the summer. After all, If you sample something you like, why not savor the flavors further. So I’ve decided to swish the nectar of Stanley, Idaho around in my mouth like a fine wine to really get to know its depth and character.

AND I will be doing something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now. Wait tables! It’s a job that facilitates much of what I’d like to see in my ultimate life’s work: being of service to others; spending time on my feet with lots of physical movement; living in a place I love- ample outdoor adventures at my fingertips, a close-knit community, temperate weather, a landscape with mountains, forest, lakes, and rivers; and working for folks who are supportive and appreciative.

Since Chicago is still technically “home,” I will spend a couple days there after this weekend before heading back to Idaho.

Hope your summer is proving to be expansive, enlivening, and bearing fruit of all sorts!

Love,

Annie

Sorting It Out.

2011-07-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

Kimberton, PA

A reflection.

What is the significance of a first impression? A telltale indication or an unfair glimpse of a person or place? Is it to be trusted? In what ways does a first impression correspond with one’s intuition? Does it at all?

Positivity. Is it better to seek out the positive or to allow ourselves to be empty vessels so that feelings may flow freely through us regardless of the pain or pleasure?

How long to stick with something if you aren’t totally feeling it?

These are questions I’m toying with as of late, especially those centered around thinking positively vs. feeling one’s feelings. It may not necessarily be a question of either/or, but I am examining it as such for the time being.

My experience thus far at Camphill has, overall, been tremendously positive. As far as community goes, it seems that there is a niche here for everyone. Love getting your hands dirty and working outside all day? Garden! More of an arts person? Weavery! Or is cooking your thing? You’ve got your choice of the bakery or the café to fuel your creative fire!

Most of the residents at Camphill have special needs, and interacting with these folks (they are referred to as “villagers” here) is a big first for me. It’s been a highlight. Yesterday morning, I was hurriedly walking to work along a village road when a young man (a villager) who was walking ahead of me in a blue Superman shirt stopped, turned around, and conversed with another villager about who was coming. A new face! In a few moments, I met up with him and said hello and he introduced himself as Ben. He unabashedly took my hand and chatted as if we’d known each other for years. At one point I was a taken aback when he put his head on my shoulder and began to cry. Through sobs, he expressed that he missed someone, although I couldn’t decipher who it was that he spoke about. The next thing I knew, he was laughing again. In those short ten minutes, I witnessed Ben experience a spectrum of emotions. I cannot recall becoming faster friends with a person.

The villagers are present, interested, friendly.

Another villager, Andy, knocked my socks off when he asked me my birthday and said (correctly), “You were born on a Wednesday.” And then there’s Michael, a villager who walks as if it were his full-time job. Early in the morning, he’s walking. Late at night, he’s walking. Sometimes he carries a notebook to write in. It is obvious he finds great joy in these simple excursions.

These folks with special needs intrigue me. They are in this community because they are unable to take care of themselves but, through them, I understand that the presence of a developmental disability does not mark a lack of intelligence.

I would like to leave this post at that, for now. I’ll delve in to the topics mentioned in the beginning very soon.

Question of the day: "What are your “special needs?”

Wildflowers...

2011-07-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

Wildflowers Don’t Care Where They Grow.

As we speak, I am leaving Idaho after four full, activity-filled days. This time was also valuable for me mentally. I will share the depths of my mind and soul, but first, a recap:

Highlights/Celebrations:

Hiking- 23 miles in three days

Running- 12 miles in three days

Yoga- 3 times

Calisthenics- 3 times

Rafting- One trip, along the Salmon River

Music- Barefoot Bluegrass on the lawn at Redfish Lake.

Hot Springs visit- first time ever!

Study- Idaho Wildflowers

For the first three days of my stay, I jump-started the mornings with a run (a marked occasion for me since the last 6 weeks), which I was very pleased with! Getting back into a routine after taking time off does not usually come easy, but it amazed me how everything flowed so effortlessly here. The running itself wasn’t a breeze, perhaps attributed to a higher elevation that required a bit of acclimating. But perhaps the ease originated from the clean, fresh air… or the Sawtooth mountains egging me on.. or the gorgeous scenery ,inspiring me to go just a little bit further with an eagerness to see what views awaited around the next bend.

I’m currently experimenting with two practices. The first, let’s call it the “Ooh Ahh Just A Little Bit” Procedure (after the 90s music hit by Gina G). The name is fairly telling in itself; it’s a coaxing to devote a small, seemingly trivial, amount of time to exercise in an effort towards incorporating endorphin-releasing modalities while I travel. The time may not yet be ripe to train for a marathon, but I may still endeavor toward a basic level of fitness!

A successful experiment during these four Idaho days! Along with each run, I did 20 minutes of calisthenics (push ups, sit ups, resistance band exercises, squats, and the like), followed by 15 minutes of yoga.

The second practice is related to the first, and emerged with the realization that each trek I find myself on has something different of value to offer. Recognizing this, I can adjust my expectations/intentions to fit the particular gifts that each place offers, as well as the different people I find myself with, and the like. This is a way of “segment-intending.” For me, goals seem much more manageable when they are broken up into small parts- and I more easily reach clarity about what I would like to create when I am in a place for a limited period of time. Traveling is very useful in this way!

For instance, I spent five days in Paso Robles, California. When I arrived, I was experiencing pain in my left foot- one sign that this was the perfect time to kick up my feet and rest! How convenient, too, that this retreat presented itself after a bit of fatigue set in from the ten-day camping/hiking/ road trip. Perfect timing! Considering the state of affairs, it would not be a good idea to add running to my Paso Robles agenda.

Instead, I started (and finished!) a book (Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously, by Osho). I also took advantage of what Paso Robles is known for….wine! I knew very little about wine and initially approached wine-tasting with a bit of reservation. After spending just a little bit (ohh ahh just a little bit) of time studying oenology (i.e., the research of wine), my knowledge and

confidence grew. My house-sitting friend, Kyle, and I visited six (of the 200ish) wineries. Serious wine-tasting ensued. This “downtime” also afforded the opportunity to upload trip photos, watch movies, and cook meals.

I love the “segment-intending” mentality because it helps me to feel like I don’t need to do everything all the time, that there is a time and place for each wish I have for life to come to fruition. Certain times will be more for indulging, others for abstaining; some for socializing, others being solitary. And all are okay so long as approached with the mentality of Carpe Diem!

Speaking of carpe diem, I flew from Boise to Chicago today and am sleeping at the airport tonight so that I may take the first flight out of Chicago to Philadelphia in the morning. Soo…I have designated (segment-intended) the quiet, lonesome hours of this evening at the airport to catching up with you. Mission accomplished!

“Ah, but why are you going to Pennsylvania?” you ask. A good friend from Americorps, Lee, is working here: camphillkimberton.org. It’s a farming and handcrafting community where folks with developmental disabilities work alongside others with various gifts toward an ecological way of life. The 432 acre farm includes a garden, orchard, dairy farm, bakery, and various craft-works. Lee is an apprentice in the garden, so I will be joining him there! Learning how to grow food has long been on my list of “to dos,” so this will be a nice taste of gardening.

I am not for certain yet of what my goals are during my stay. I’ll feel it out when I get there and keep you updated!

Hope the summer is treating you well, my friends.

A full moon love to you,

Annie

**All wildflower photos in this post were taken during my hikes in Stanley, Idaho the past four days

**Thanks to Dolly Parton, for her song, "Wildflowers," and for sis, Mary, who inspired the title of this post.

Intro to Stanley.

2011-07-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

Intro to Stanley.

Today marked my first full day in Stanley, Idaho...and I must say, I think I'm in love!

Traveling has given me a glimpse of many places in this beautiful country of ours, but this little gem of a town (population 100!) might be the first that I could see myself exploring for weeks and weeks. Stanley is multi-dimensional- replete with mountains, rivers, lakes, and forest. Smack dab in the middle of the Sawtooth Recreation area, it’s an outdoor lover’s paradise. Challis National Forest to the North, Boise National Forest to the West, Sawtooth National Forest to the South. Ay yai yai!

As I write, I am wrapping up the day in a state of wonder. In order to set the tone for an optimal day, this morning I successfully rallied myself up for a jog. Considering I haven’t hit the pavement for nearly six weeks now, this proved a momentous occasion. But what better way to explore a new place? Even the routes along the highway in Stanley are jaw-dropping- creeks flowing nearby, the Sawtooth Mountains in the distance, and cattle roaming freely in the fields. The little I was able to catch sight of is plenty of motivation to mount excitement about jogging tomorrow, if for no other reason than to explore the area further.

After running, I added calisthenics to my agenda for a doable 20 minutes, showered up and got ready for the day. Next on my list was to take advantage of the opportunity to hike. I needed transportation, though, so I headed over to the Stanley Bakery where sis works to pick up the keys to her jeep. (Another perk about Stanley is that everything in the downtown area is a convenient walk away) We delighted in a scrumptious breakfast outside (veggie scramble, plus toast with homemade strawberry-blueberry jam and iced coffee…yum). Then, it was back to work for her and to the trail for me.

[Here is the sis, Mary, modeling with the original, hand-made bulk bags she creates that are for sale at the bakery]

[...and some shots from the hike this afternoon]

Upon arriving home, Mary and I (okay, mostly Mary) packed a picnic to take to the Redfish Lodge, where a band called “Barefoot Bluegrass” was playing. I had no idea how much down home fun was in store! We sat on a blanket on the grass and, quickly enough, were joined by Mary's co-workers. They were such a hoot! Lots of dancing ensued...and then, as a grand finale, a group of us decided to take a plunge in the lake. Understand that the temperature had dropped quite a bit by this point so it was a bit of a daring move. : )

[the band]

[a hula hoopin' kind of day]

[Redfish Lake]

[soakin' wet sistas]

Time to hit the sack! Thanks for joining me as I wander my way through life.

Much love,

Annie

U.S. Splendor

2011-07-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

U.S. Splendor: Snapshot of a 3,000 Mile Road Trip

Life's treasure-hunt landed me at my current destination, the Gem State! Yes, I arrived in Idaho a few short hours ago. Since I've got 3-4 hours of idle airport time, I thought I'd make good use of it by catching you up to speed. These past six weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. Visiting Idaho makes it to my list of firsts this summer, along with:

-holding a boa constrictor

-riding as a passenger on a moped

-eating new foods, like calamari and escargot

-slumbering on a boat

The last month was spent out West, satisfying many hankerings- for camping, hiking, traveling, and catching up with good friends. This post chronicles the first couple weeks, a ten day road trip across four states.

A breakdown:

June 8: Leave Chicago. Head to San Luis Obispo, CA to visit Kyle, a friend I met while participating in a work-study program at a Buddhist Retreat Center. Renewed spirit upon glimpsing Northern California's beautiful, rolling, maize-colored hills. See image below, taken near Kyle's abode.

June 9: Relaxed day. Enjoy a delicious lunch in nearby Cayucos, CA at a beachfront restaurant called Schooners. Prime spot! Beautiful views and delicious eats...and the company wasn't bad either. See Morro Rock. Short hike at Coon Creek. Run errands to gear up for a ten-day road trip.

June 10: Kyle and I load his Jeep Cherokee and hit the road. Loose plans. First destination? Sequoia National Park. We find a campsite in the foothills, at Buckeye Flats. Although I've only been camping a handful of times, from the time I was little I can recall a gentle but persistent internal nagging to partake in outdoor slumbers. To assuage these urges as a kid, I constructed tents out of blankets, using the limbs of trees to hold up the fort. It may take a few years until I can rightly consider camping a favorite pastime, but this trip marked a step toward doing so more with more sophistication.

June 11: Wake up early to drive 3 hours to King's Canyon National Park.

Stop along the way at Big Trees Meadow where we found....you guessed it...many BIG trees!

Short jaunt at Roaring River Falls to see this:

Followed by a one mile loop at Zumwalt Meadow.

Lastly, the icing on top of a packed day was a nine-mile hike to Mist Falls.

June 12: Pack up camp at 6 a.m. to head to Sedona, Arizona. I'm glad I didn't know at the time that it would take 12 hours to get there. :)

Road Trip....

Tunes: Neko Case, David Gray, Michael Franti, Beirut/Andrew Byrd mix, M.Ward., Springsteen.

Grub: Rice cakes with peanut butter and raisins

Roads: Highway 58 to Highway 40

Arrive in Sedona around 6 p.m. Thankfully, tonight we forgo the tent for beds!

June 13: First on the agenda, a hike to Cathedral Rock, a well-known rock structure in Sedona and site of one of the vortex's, at Buddha Beach.

[Cathedral Rock]

[Oak Creek Canyon...for jumping rocks and swimming to cool off]

[I love this photo of Kyle, good-humoredly posing for a meditation pic at the vortex at Buddha Beach]

And, for an evening hike, we decided to check out the West Fork Trail. It led us along Oak Creek Canyon, through lush forests with colorful flowers. Here's a peek of what we saw:

June 14: Intend to hike up Bear Mountain. After reading what our guidebook had to say about this ("sometimes this hike feels like death"), my confidence wasn't at its highest but I had to give it a shot. What makes it special is that there's nearly a 2,000 feet elevation change in 2.5 miles (the distance to the top)...and the temperatures topped 90 degrees to boost. I'm glad it didn't psyche me out too much because it ended up being totally doable. Yes, I could feel my muscles working. Yes, I was huffing and puffing a bit. Yes, major sweating occurred. But once we started, all my doubts were melted away by the sun. And it may have been my favorite hike in the end.

[Bear Mountain. Looks harmless enough, right?]

[Bottom two photos are of Sedona from the top of Bear Mountain]

Feeling accomplished, Kyle and I spend the rest of the afternoon going for a dip in Oak Creek and laying out on the rocks. Then, we drive north to Flagstaff, AZ, to meet up with a couple of his friends- who graciously let us stay with them AND take us out to dinner. What hospitality!

June 15: Leave Flagstaff, AZ and drive 5ish hours to Southern Utah. Search for a campsite that will allow easy access to Bryce National Park and Zion National Park. Success! Not much time left in the day for exploring, though. Make it to the northern rim of Zion, Kolob Canyons for an easy jaunt and some stops at overlooks.

[Taylor Creek Trail, at Kolob Canyons]

[these sights didn't require much physical exertion to get to :)]

June 16: Drive to Bryce Canyon National Park, where we spend the entire day. Navajo Loop. Hoodoos. "Wall Street." Baby Chicks in tree-holes. Rattlesnake sighting.

As far as scenery goes, Bryce Canyon definitely chopped the charts by prompting more "oohs" and "ahhs" than any other place I saw on this trip. I've never seen anything like it!

June 17: Final day! Kyle and I were nearing the end of our reserves by this time, so we decided to do a quick-see of Zion National Park and then hit the road again for a ten-hour drive back to San Luis Obispo, CA.

Boy did it feel good to sleep in a bed and shower and cook meals again. Civilization has its perks!

Breakdown of road trip:
Days: 10

Miles Driven: 3,000+

Miles Hiked: 35ish

National Parks Visited: 4

And this is just the beginning...

Fasting Reflection, One Month Later

2011-06-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

Fasting Reflection, One Month Later

Hello dear friends! I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging due to travels…of the many intrinsic gifts the wilderness offers, a great Internet connection is not among them. :)

I thought I might share some thoughts about the fast I participated in, now that time and space have enabled me to digest the experience more fully (no pun intended).

Easing Out

Coming off of the fast proved easier than I anticipated. Beforehand, my mind constructed this vision of insatiable urges to consume overcoming me as soon as I indulged in the first bite of food after seven abstinent days. The reality was not so dramatic. Instead, I casually relished a small bowl of watermelon and then went about my activities per usual. The next two or three “meals” also consisted solely of watermelon, spaced a couple hours apart.

Throughout the fasting process, I was very cognizant of plans I’d made to travel beginning three days after coming off of the fast. This drastic change of (life) pace amplified the need to re-incorporate food properly. You might think of it as a matter of powering up my system in preparation to digest the sometimes less-than-ideal food that tends to come with the territory of traveling without burdening my system with too much, too soon.

Aside from knowing that I would begin with fruit, I didn’t come off of the fast with too much of a plan. I assumed it would be fairly intuitive as to which foods to eat and when. I found I was most interested in fruit and vegetable soups. Hunger did not make a quick return, which I was astonished by. I ate for reasons of gearing up my digestion, not to quell ravenous urges.

Also surprising to me was that it felt like no time had elapsed since I finished my last meal, seven days prior. Although my expectation that each food I tasted would tantalize my taste buds in a perky new way didn’t quite match up, I did find myself offering much more awareness of the flavors mingling inside my mouth- savoring the taste and paying attention to thorough chewing to lessen the digestive strain.

How long would this attentiveness stay with me?

Gettin A Movin’

Gaining physical strength and endurance were also components of the loose re-building vision I held, mostly because hiking was to be the primary activity in next ten days of travel. In order to feel better prepared, running joined my daily routine on day 5 or 6 of the fast and continued thereafter. Surprisingly, it did not feel like I lost much strength.

Let the Digestion Begin!

For those of you who are curious about the digestion/waste expelling process after fasting, I will fill you in! The large intestine is becoming one of my favorite organs. :)

How would my organs fare after a flurry of digestive activity following a week-long vacation? Answer: They adapted extremely well to assimilating food again. No gas, bloating, or pain of any sort. Very pleasing (and perhaps partially attributed to the slow grazing of simple meals of those first few days).

Poo, Poo (Note: Not for the faint of heart)

During those first three days of resuming eating, I also took the suggestion of some articles I read to sip herbal tea in the evenings to act as a mild laxative by encouraging the movement of the bowels. Each morning, I peered in the toilet with amusement at how different the digestive matter looked compared to “normal.” Much lighter in color. Less odoriferous. All very well, but more difficult to pass.

After three days, I boarded a plane for California and left my laxative tea behind. It was time for an adventure of another sort. But of course some of the effects of the fast stayed with me. By saying sayonara to the herbal tea, I also said good-bye to enjoying those regular bowel movements…for almost a week! No worries, though…after that, it was as if a switch was flipped and my digestive system got the hang of operating on its own once again.

Final Thoughts

Fasting felt so pleasant that, in some ways, I was resistant to the idea of it coming to an end. And, when I did resume eating, immediately I longed for that light-of-body, light-of-mind state that fasting fostered. When I imagined eating, the most enticing aspect that surfaced to mind was fellowship. Chopping vegetables alongside my sister while preparing a meal. Laughing as friends and I sip wine while the water comes to a boil. The “Here, taste this!” while enjoying another’s company at a restaurant. The feelings of tranquility and pure contended-ness that those images offer trump any other quality in my internal world.

But, of course, food is pleasurable in its own right and indulging in various culinary delights is a huge draw to traveling, which I am currently in the midst of.

As my passion for “optimal aliveness” has grown these past several years, it has led me to a foundational understanding of health and the human body and mind. Research has lent way to a working knowledge of the views of various traditions- Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, the Raw Food movement, Western medicine. Will I fast again? Likely. And I am happy to be able to speak of alkaline diets and proper food combining; however the most solid conviction I stand by through these scholastic endeavors, (if I may use such a strong word as “conviction”), is that it means more to me to step up to the edge of life and plunge into the deep end, abandoning myself to the moment at hand, thereby throwing all that “knowledge” out the window as I live life, heart first.

27 Lessons...#6

2011-06-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

27 Lessons I’ve Learned in 27 Years of Existence

6. It feels good to say, “I love you.” And, what’s even better, is that when you say it you will usually hear it back!! Once again, this is still something I’m working with. I very easily say to my family, “I love you” but I am still crossing the boundaries of speaking such words to friends, especially of the male variety. Up until a year or so ago, I hadn’t said those words aloud to a friend. And I remember the first time I did it…the words just poured out of my mouth without my control. But I felt happy. Of course I love every single one of my friends immensely but the expression of it takes some getting used to. This is especially true of male friends, for then my thoughts become wrapped up in, “What if they take it the wrong way?” But…this brings me to lesson # 7. (read on, please)

27 Lessons...# 5

2011-06-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

27 Lessons I’ve Learned in 27 Years of Existence….#5

5. 1 + 1 does not always equal 2. In other words, there are mysterious, positively-infusing forces at work that will bring things to you, right at the moment you need them in ways you will not be able to wrap your mind around.

Example: My sister, Mary, got rid of her cell phone a couple years ago because she found it wasn’t a necessity in her life during that time (she was in places where she had access to a phone for free and it wasn’t worth the extra expense…not to mention skype, e-mail, and other means of communication that are available). A few months ago, it was clear to her that owning a phone again would be a positive contribution for her life.

What would seem to be unfortunate is that this came at a time in which she was not working and had recently embarked on a two-month journey to South America. In other words, her funds didn’t support her wish for a phone. But alas, a short while later my other sister was in touch with her to let her know that she had unexpectedly received a free phone/phone service from her phone carrier for being an excellent customer and had no use for it. Would Mary like it? Uhhh..yeah.

When we imagine things, experiences, and the like, that would positively contribute to our lives, we don’t always need to know how they will show up. (oh, the excitement!) Usually, the American society (and maybe others, too, I’m not sure) automatically thinks about money, which more often than not leads to great discouragement. That is the “logical” way we’ve been taught to think. But it doesn’t account for the God force, folks, which happens to be the medium for miracles.

27 Lessons...#4

2011-06-07T17:48:00.000-07:00

27 Lessons I’ve Learned in 27 Years of Existence

4. In order to get the most out of life, you must participate. This is a lesson that was spoken to me many times by my mentor, Arnaud, when I participated in a work-study program at a Buddhist Retreat Center a couple years ago. When I think about this idea, I imagine a party. I see a giant room, filled with people. There’s a buffet table that occupies delicious hors d’oevres (phew, had to thesaurus the word “appetizer” to figure out how to spell that one!). Colorful balloons float to the ceiling. Most importantly, excellent dance music booms from the speakers. All right, where am I going with this?

Likely, there is someone there that is the life of the party. She is enjoying herself immensely, dancing like there’s no tomorrow. This person is fully participating. As with most parties, there is also likely to be a couple of people huddled in the corner, whispering to one another, letting their insecurities (but I’m a bad dancer!) keep them inside their little box. They are most likely chatting about other people at the party. And though the party is the same, how do you think Miss Dance Machine is going to describe it to her friends the next day?

Here’s how: “Aww, you missed a rockin’ good time last night! That party was off the hook!”

…and, dyad number two

“That party was so lame. Good thing you stayed home.”

Now, as we all know, the party itself didn’t change but these folks’ experience of it was 180 degrees different. One participated. One did not. Only difference.

This is a lesson I’m still very much learning. My demeanor tends to be quiet, shying away from the spot light; however, I work with this as best I can when these opportunities arise (on the dance floor and elsewhere in life) because I am aware of how it affects my experience.

Strategy: Do something slightly uncomfortable. Instead of prodding myself to do something way far-fetched like challenging Joe Schmo to a beer-chugging contest, I’ll encourage myself to do something that’s a bit outside my comfort zone but not 100% out of character (like dance for one song). I never used to dance in front of people. Ever. If I focus on simply having fun, I more easily cut loose on the dance floor and sometimes even catch myself getting my groove on in public places.

Of course we don't have to wait until the next disco ball to try this out. Life presents one momentous occasion after another to participate!

It is fine to have insecurities. It is even better to acknowledge them as they crop up. And, what’s even better than that is to work your way right through an insecurity by acting in a way that is counter to your normal tendency. This will lessen the power it has over you until one day, it will be completely gone, without your having realized it.